Dragon Age: The Way It Once Was
by Eilonwycousland
Summary: An AU fic. Eilonwy Cousland. Follows her childhood as she trains & falls in love for the first time. Rated M for one small scene- tasteful smut. This is the first part in a three part series. A few things are different (hence the AU) like Eleanor was trained more as a rogue and doesn't really fight. Photo Art done by: Caramel Clouds on Deviantart. Part of Sequel posted.
1. Adventuring!

This is a Dragon Age fanfic, part one of three, that follows the childhood of Eilonwy Cousland. It's AU.

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**Chapter One**

I could hear the grass crunching under the wheels of the wagon as we traveled towards the southwest. We were heading to Redcliffe to celebrate First Day with the Arl of Redcliffe and his wife. I felt the excitement bubble inside me; this was my very first trip outside of the castle. Father had said the Arl was a kind man and that his new wife was Orlesian. I didn't know much about Orlais at the time, except that the people there once wanted to rule Ferelden. I dreamt of one day joining the King's Army and fighting Orlesians, just like my father did in the war. I knew we weren't at war anymore, but surely a new enemy would arise by then.

I felt my stomach grumble; it was already quite late and I was ready for supper. Dinner was a small meal of bread and cheese since we were traveling. I was tired of riding in a cramped wagon all day and was yearning to get out, stretch my legs, and eat a full meal.

"Eilonwy, don't slouch dear. You'll wrinkle your dress," my mother called from the front of our wagon.

Mother was always telling me not to slouch. She had high hopes that I would train in the arts of a rogue like she did, settle down one day and bear her many grandchildren. At the time I was content enough to do so, though even then I felt like there was something grander waiting for me.

My brother, Fergus, had just started his warrior training and I remember staring out my bedroom window to watch him practice in his shining armor. Oh, how I envied him. Instead I was stuck indoors; learning how to knit and act like a lady. I hated acting like a lady.

"Careful, Ely," my brother teased. "If you're not careful you'll mess up that pretty dress and the whole world will end."

I stuck my tongue out at him in reply while mother wasn't watching, which only made him laugh harder.

My brother was always teasing me. Like the time I snuck out of the castle during lessons. Our historian, Aldous, was so boring to listen to as he droned on and on about my family's history and the history of Ferelden that I always became restless during lessons. This particular time was a warm summer's day and I wanted to go outside and run in the field with the other children. So, when Aldous wasn't looking, I snuck away and ran outside to play. My plan was to sneak back in before the lecture was over and nobody would even notice I was gone. Except, I tripped over the ridiculous dress my mother made me wear and fell into a pile of dung. Fergus never let me live that one down. I can still hear him taunting me to this day. "Some rogue you'll be, smellyely!"

Father spoke from the front of the wagon. "Pup, look; there's the castle of Redcliffe. We're almost there."

I grinned and scampered over the trunks in the back so I could get a better view. I poked my head forward between my parents, pushing my long ebony hair out of my eyes.

Castle Redcliffe loomed up ahead, so dark and distant in my eyes. It sat upon a large hill and almost seemed to be glaring at the village below. I was awed at the sight, it was smaller than our castle but it was an unknown place for me and, therefore, more impressive. I was excited to explore its hidden places and secret spots. I knew Nathaniel would enjoy exploring it with me as well.

Nathaniel Howe was the son of Rendon Howe, Arl of Amaranthine, and my playmate whenever his family came to visit. The Howes had been friends of the Couslands for many generations and our fathers fought together during The Rebellion against Orlais, from what little I remembered from Aldous's lectures. Nathaniel was my brother's age but nicer to me than Fergus. He always let me tag along when they would play, ruffling my hair and smiling openly. "Let her come along, Fergus. She's tough and can keep up," he would always say when my brother would tell me to leave them be.

The Howe family was traveling with us to Redcliffe, except for Nathaniel's mother. She had decided to go visit her parents instead. I knew Delilah would probably try to convince me to do something boring, like attend a ball or some such nonsense, and Thomas was still just a baby in my mind. Five years old was much too young to go "adventuring" around a castle and he spent most of his time clinging to his father anyway.

Soon our wagons were pulling up to the castle stables. A couple of elves were waiting for us and, as if on cue, they reached for the reigns of our oxen and helped my mother get down from the wagon.

The elven lass kept her eyes cast low to the ground. "Here, milady, allow us to take your things inside the castle," the elven lass muttered, her shoulders hunched as if a great burden weighed upon her. Father had told me the elves were not treated kindly everywhere else as kindly as we treated ours at home.

"Ah, thank you. It has been such a long and tiring trip with a wagon full of children." She smiled, handing the elven servants a couple of silvers in return for their help. My mother was kind and generous woman, even if she was overly fixated on me getting married someday.

"Thank you kindly, milady," the elven lass replied.

I looked around, greedily taking in all the sights and smells around me. The sun glittered off the windows of the castle; the stone walls were tall and seemed impenetrable. The grass was vibrant green and the hills were steep and appeared to go on foreve in my mind. I was only eight so everything appeared so grand to me back then.

"Watch out, Ely!" Nathaniel called. "Stand there with your mouth open long enough and bugs will fly in!" he laughed as he ruffled my hair.

I grinned mischievously at him, already thinking of all the places we could explore together. I had opened my mouth to say something I thought was clever and witty when Delilah came over.

"Don't be silly, Brother," she said. "Besides, you shouldn't talk to a lady so. Didn't father teach you better manners by now?" she asked primly, adjusting her lace and silk dress as she spoke.

Nathaniel scoffed. "Well, maybe Ely doesn't want to be a lady. Maybe she'll surprise us all and become a warrior." Nathaniel winked at me.

Delilah gasped. "Nathaniel Howe! You do say the most improper things sometimes, I swear!" she exclaimed.

He rolled his eyes. "Oh, by the Maker, 'Lilah, you do take things so seriously. Anyway, what of Ser Cauthrien? She is warrior and quite an excellent one from what I hear," he goaded.

"Enough, children," my mother interrupted. "My daughter will soon learn rogue training if she so desires, but it is not a noblewoman's place to become a warrior and fight in the army, and that is the end of that." She took my hand and guided me up to the castle doors but I wasn't really paying attention anymore.

Me? A warrior? Did Nathaniel really mean that or was he just trying to tease his sister? The idea stayed present in my mind all throughout the tour of the castle and even during supper. I knew father was a great warrior in his time; my father was a great man in general. Kind, devoted and loving with his family, my father could do no wrong in my eyes. He ruled his lands with a fair and even hand and he possessed great skill with a blade. The only man that came close was the great Hero of River Dane, general of King Maric's rebel army, Teyrn Loghain. At least, that was my opinion back then. Maybe my view on my father and Loghain were a distorted child's view, but I looked up to them both nonetheless, despite never having met Loghain in person.

"I hear our young Prince will be making a visit this year?" my father inquired over dinner.

My ears perked at the mention of Prince Cailan. I had never met him, but he was to be my King someday and I was itching with curiosity.

"Yes, it would seem so." Arl Eamon replied conversationally. "Loghain is bringing his daughter Anora, as well as escorting Cailan here for the festival. It would appear our King is to be traveling the kingdom at this time and wanted my nephew to be with family."

The arl was a very boring man, in my mind. He seemed to talk rather slow and his long braided beard hid most of his face and made him appear older than he was at the time; he reminded me of Aldous. Maybe that's why I found him dull. Still, he did seem to be a good man, as my father had said. Of course, Father was never wrong.

"When will they be arriving?" Father asked.

"Hm? Oh, sometime early tomorrow morning if I remember Loghain's letter correctly. Of course, I worry at how he will receive my dear Isolde. You know how paranoid he still is of Orlais."

"Well, he does have right to be. They did invade our country and enslaved our people for nearly a century," my father replied dryly.

"Well, my Isolde is different," Eamon replied, looking at his wife with love and affection.

Of course, Lady Isolde refrained from comment. She rarely spoke at all and when she did her Orlesian accent was so thick it seemed to make people uncomfortable. Maybe that's why she was often silent during our trips there, only speaking with Eamon in hushed whispers.

After our meal was finished we were all sent straight to bed as we had to arise early to greet our future king and Anora when they arrived. It wasn't long after I had lied down between my sheets that I heard a quick rat-a-tat-tat on my window.

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and rushed to open the window; I knew it was Nathaniel as he often did this back home as well. He'd sneak into my room and we would secretly explore the castle together in the dark of night.

"Ely, there are too many guards stationed in the hallway tonight in preparation for Prince Calian's arrival tomorrow, if we wish to explore we must both sneak out the window," Nathaniel whispered as he scuttled into my bedroom.

"But Nathaniel, I'll fall!" I exclaimed as quietly as I could, feeling both excited and nervous at the idea of scaling the castle walls to explore the outside.

"Nonsense. I'm here and I'd never let you fall Ely." Nathaniel vowed solemnly, grasping my hands and locking his steel gray eyes with my light blue ones.

I grinned and nodded in agreement; I trusted Nathaniel with my life and was about to prove it. He grinned back and pulled me towards the window. "Now, the trick is: don't look down," he said as he carefully climbed out the window.

He reached his hand back in through the opening, waiting patiently for me to grab hold. I lifted my nightdress with one hand and grasped onto Nathaniel with my other one and gingerly stepped through my window and out into the night.

"Now, watch carefully Ely. Just grab hold to the same places I grab hold; I'll be beneath you so I'll catch you if you slip."

I stepped carefully in the places where bricks were missing and grabbed tightly onto the places where they jutted out from the surface of the castle, almost as if it were designed to allow small children to escape in the night. I giggled to myself at the thought of maybe the arl himself doing this when he was but a boy. I imagined him the same age as Nathaniel; eleven years old and skin free of wrinkles but with a full beard still! Oh, what sight that was in my head.

"Ely, I swear you are the only girl I know who could climb down a castle wall and laugh the entire time!" I heard Nathaniel say from somewhere below me. When I described to him what I had been picturing he had to stifle his laughter so as not to alert anyone to our descent. "Alright, we're almost to the bottom. We should be able to jump the rest of the way."

Nathaniel let go of the castle wall and landed nimbly on his feet, like a cat. I gulped nervously, closed my eyes and dropped. I landed with a thunk on top of something soft and squishy.

"Oof! Elyigertoffme!" I quickly scrambled off of Nathaniel with hushed squeals of laughter. "Andraste's ass. If your mother thinks you're going to be rogue someday she's going to sorely disappointed. You lack grace something awful Ely." Nathaniel and I both laughed; he at my graceless fall and I at his swearing.

I looked around at the landscape, now cast in shadows. The darkness played tricks on my tired eyes and I swore I saw shapes forming in the corner of my eye but when I looked closer, there was nothing there. I grasped Nathaniel's hand as we slowly crept towards the stables.

As we entered the stable doors with a rather loud creak, or so it seemed, I could hear a soft rustling sound from above. We both stopped dead in our tracks and looked up at the loft where we saw a small boy with golden brown eyes and blonde hair peeking at us over the side.

"Psst. Boy. Don't tell anyone you saw us here, 'kay?" Nathaniel hissed.

The boy simply nodded his head in reply and ducked back into the hay, seemingly going back to sleep. Nathaniel grinned at me, his hand still grasping mine in the moonlight.

"Let's go further in, shall we? Or are you frightened yet?" he taunted with a smile.

I kicked him in the shins and stuck my tongue out in reply. "I'm a Cousland. I fear nothing," I said, full of false bravado.

Nathaniel just chuckled and tugged me further into the stable. The hay crunched nosily beneath my feet and I looked around, drinking in everything I could. The oxen slept soundly in their stalls; the smell of beast and hay was so strong it was almost too much. Soon we had finished exploring the small stable and started to sneak back to the entrance when two shadows loomed in the doorway.

I froze in shock and fear; my mind racing with all the possibilities of whom those shadows belonged to. Demons from the fade, murderous bandits, and apostate mages were but a few of the ideas that popped in my child's mind before I realized the truth: It was my father and Arl Howe. We were caught.

"Eilonwy Cousland, what in the Maker's name are you two doing here? And pray tell how you managed to sneak out of the castle at this hour?" my father asked, his brow raised in question.

"Well, Father, we c-climbed the castle wall and.."

"You did WHAT?" my father shouted, all composure lost. "You- you could have died Eilonwy! What in Andraste's name were you thinking? Do you have any idea what your mother and I would do if something happened to you? Your mother is pacing your room at this very moment, worried sick over you!"

"But Father! Nathaniel was with me! Nothing bad could happen when Nathaniel's around!" I protested, stomping my tiny foot on the ground.

My father stopped mid-step and glanced at Nathaniel, finally noticing that his hand was still clasped around mine. I noticed his lip starting to twitch; almost like he was trying to hide a smile. "Ah. Well. In that case. It would seem my daughter has developed a bit of a crush on your boy, Rendon. Whatever shall we do," my Father asked; a slight teasing tone to his voice. I could feel my cheeks burning and was glad the darkness hid my blush.

"Well, perhaps your wife will not have to worry as much now about your daughter's future, old friend." Howe replied.

My father laughed in return, "A future of scaling castle walls? Oh no, nothing to worry about there! Come now, both of you. Up to bed and no more scaling walls. Honestly, Pup, you're going to give your mother and me gray hair before our time."

"I'm sorry, Father. I just wanted to explore," I replied meekly, still embarrassed about their talk of marriage and such.

"I am sorry as well Father, Teyrn Cousland. I won't put Ely in such danger again, you have my word." Nathaniel said, solemnly.

My mother gave me a stern lecture as well when I reached my room, not amused at my insistence at being safe with Nathaniel. I could tell she was worried but, at the time, I felt like she was only nagging.

I hid a yawn behind my hand and she paused for a second before sighing aloud.

"All right, love. Go on to bed. Please, know that I only worry because you are my darling daughter and I love you," she said before kissing my forehead and heading for the door.

My final thoughts before drifting off to sleep were of Nathaniel. I hoped tonight's disaster didn't mean we wouldn't still go adventuring.

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I hope you enjoyed chapter one! Review if you'd like to!


	2. Ser Ely The Brave

Here we go, chapter two! AU fanfic following the childhood of Eilonwy Cousland.

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**Chapter Two**

The next morning, the sun peeked in through my curtain windows, which alerted me it was time to get out of bed and greet Prince Cailan and Lady Anora. I groggily got out of bed put on the fancy dress my mother had laid out for me. It was a deep purple brocade with gold trim and more ties and buttons than I liked. Soon after, I had heard a light knock on my door and an elven lady in waiting entered the room, catching me trying to untangle my hair from the buttons on the dress.

"Here, Lady Eilonwy," she said softly. "Allow me to help you."

I sighed and stood as still as I could while the blonde-haired woman gently loosened my hair from the dress. "There we go, milady," she smiled as she carefully laced my dress. "Now, it is time for me to do your hair."

She took a jeweled comb from my vanity and gently began combing the tangles from my hair. Everyone said I looked just like Mother did when she was small; Fergus took more after Father. I could feel the servant girl braiding and twisting my hair into some elaborate style, keeping in time with whatever the current fashion was. I fidgeted in my chair as she finished with my hair and laid out the shoes I was to put on.

Finally, we were finished and I jumped out of my chair and dashed quickly out the door.

"Where do you think you are heading off to so fast, young lady?" my mother inquired, grabbing ahold of my shoulder and stopping me in place.

"Mooother," I whined. "I want to go play."

"Eilonwy, please do try to behave today," my mother sighed. "You will be meeting our Prince today."

I nodded reluctantly and we headed down the castle stairs together to the dining hall where Father, Nathaniel, and the rest were waiting.

"Ah, there's my pup," Father smiled. I grinned in return and rushed to hug him good morning. He laughed and swung me upwards in an embrace.

"Have fun scaling the castle without me Ely?" Fergus asked sullenly. I could tell he was sore at being left out of last night's misadventure.

"Oh, you wouldn't have had any fun, Fergus," I replied as Father placed me back on the ground. "You're afraid of heights, remember?"

Fergus flushed red with embarrassment; he hated being reminded of such a girlish fear. I held back a giggle and looked at Nathaniel; he too was struggling to hide his laughter.

"For the love of the Maker," my mother sighed with exasperation. "One would think I gave birth to two boys."

"All right children," Father said, holding back a grin of his own. "Stop tormenting your mother."

After our meal was finished it was time to go and await the arrival of the royal party. The sun was uncomfortably warm and my dress itched. I shuffled in place, waiting not so patiently for their wagons to pull up. Soon we all heard the clip-clop sounds of the oxen as they neared the castle.

Loghain stepped out of the carriage first, a tall man in glittering silver armor. His face was all hard lines. A small girl, who seemed to be about my brother's age, stepped out of the wagon next. She had blonde hair twisted in a braid around her head and she stuck very close to Loghain; her eyes darted around and looked at us each individually as if to size us up. I assumed that was Anora. She wore a long light pink dress and her gray-blue eyes were sharp and intelligent. Next out stepped a young boy with long, fine blond hair and golden brown eyes. He looked to be about my own age and it seemed to me he was looking around the castle with the same sense of excitement that I had when I first arrived. This boy I assumed to be Prince Cailan. A smattering of guards stood close by, watching everything with beady eyes.

"Teyrn Loghain, welcome to the Arling of Redcliffe," Arl Eamon said and walked forward to greet the man in silver armor. "This is my wife, Lady Isolde."

Loghain looked at Lady Isolde with distrust and barely disguised hate but Isolde did not back down: she held her gaze on Loghain. Finally Loghain grunted a greeting and looked away.

"Teyrn Cousland, it is good to see you again," Loghain said. He stepped over to clasp hands with my father.

"Teyrn Loghain," my father replied with warmth. "I trust the journey faired you well?"

"Ah, yes," he nodded his head in agreement. "Except a long journey with a restless boy is never easy, you know."

"Yes, yes I know quite what you mean," Father laughed in reply. "You've met my wife, Eleanor. This is my eldest, Fergus, and my daughter Eilonwy."

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Teyrn Loghain," my brother said courteously.

I felt suddenly very nervous to be in the presence of a hero and legend of Ferelden. My tongue felt thick and heavy; my mouth was suddenly dry and coarse. I had cast my eyes downward, unable to meet his steady gaze.

"Ah, it would seem our pup is tongue tied this morning, your lordship." I could hear the laughter in Mother's voice. I heard the rustling of footsteps as people shifted around.

"Greetings, Teyrn Loghain. This is my eldest, Nathaniel, my middle child Delilah, and my youngest son Thomas," I heard Arl Howe say.

Soon the pomp and ceremony was over and we children were left to our own devices, except for Thomas who went with the adults.

We all shifted nervously, except Anora, who seemed content to read by herself in the corner.

"Well, just because I am a prince does not mean we cannot play together!" Calian suddenly burst out eagerly. "I know, we could play Knights and Dragons!" He continued to gush, his own excitement aglow in his eyes.

"Yes, let's," Fergus replied. He sent a smirk my way. "Ely can be the nasty old dragon."

"I'm not a dragon Fergus Cousland!" I exclaimed, stomping my foot for emphasis. "_You_ be the dragon!"

Cailan watched on in what seemed to be utter fascination. Perhaps he had never seen a sibling squabble before, I wondered to myself.

"We'll draw sticks for it," Nathaniel interrupted. "Whoever draws the shortest stick has to be the dragon."

"All right," I replied cautiously. I really didn't want to play as the creepy dragon. "Anora, are you coming?" I asked, tentatively, as we headed outside.

"Hmph," was the only reply I had gotten. Well, if she thinks she's too good to play with us, then she's the one who'll be missing out on all the fun! I thought to myself.

"Aw, do not mind Anora," Cailan shrugged good-naturedly. "She just does not play well with other children. She is nice, though, when it is just us."

Once we were outside Nathaniel grabbed five sticks and broke one in half. He grasped them tightly in his fist and held them out for us to pick.

Cailan picked first, got an unbroken one and sighed in relief.

"Okay Ely, it's your turn next," Nathaniel said, his glee filled eyes met mine.

I closed my eyes tight and grabbed a stick. Slowly, I opened them back up and gasped in delight! My stick was unbroken!

After that my brother grabbed a stick and it was also unbroken. I had hoped he would be the dragon: it would have served him right for teasing me again.

"Oh Maker, this is silly." Delilah spoke up. "Young ladies don't play Knights and Dragons."

"You just don't wanna be the dragon, 'Lilah," I taunted.

Delilah's eyes widened in indignation. "Well!" She huffed. "At least I pay attention in lessons and do not speak like a commoner would, Ely!"

"Eh, for the love of the Maker 'Lilah just draw a stick." I laughed. Mother was always commenting on how I spoke as well. I could hear her voice chastising me, even now.

"Young ladies enunciate their words, Eilonwy. Noblewomen speak carefully and choose their words wisely, Eilonwy." She would always say. She was always nagging me. I hated it when she nagged. Delilah was just like mother, but smaller. Mother would have probably rather had Delilah as a daughter.

Delilah sighed in frustration and hastily grabbed a stick. It was shorter than mine. Ha! Served her right too, for being such a spoilsport.

A smile spread across Prince Cailan's face. "All right, Lady Delilah. You run and chase us and we will fight back with our swords!"

"Well, how does a dragon behave?" Delilah asked curiously. "I have never seen one before. I hear they're big and scary and they breath fire like a mage!"

"See, 'Lilah. You'll do fine. You're already pretty scary." Nathaniel taunted his sister.

Delilah gasped. "Mayhap I will just eat you first, Nathaniel Howe!" .

We all laughed. We already had a stick each to use as a sword so I lunged at Delilah.

"I, Ser Ely The Brave, will slay ye old dragon!" I proclaimed, brandishing my sword at Delilah.

She shrieked and hid behind her brother who laughed so hard he nearly fell over.

"Delilah." He gasped between giggles. "The dragon does not hide behind the knights! You growl and lunge back, like this!" He said as he lunged at me with a fearsome growl.

I laughed and lunged back. "Nay, ye shall not defeat me, Dragon! I have Cailan The Mighty King and Ser Fergus The Noisy with me!"

And with that Nathaniel lost all composure and fell to the ground, laughing so hard tears came.

"Ser Fergus The Noisy?" Fergus asked. "Why do I get the horrible name, Ely?"

"Because you're noisy," I said simply. Prince Cailan was laughing too as he stepped forward.

"I, King Cailan The Mighty, will slay you, dragon, and grab glory for all of Ferelden!" He said as he pretended to stab Nathaniel.

"Hey! No Fair." Nathaniel laughed. "Ely distracted me with humor." He got up from the ground and chased Cailan, both of them laughing. The rest of us joined in and we raced into the castle, a mad game of chase. None of us knew who the dragon was anymore but it didn't really matter. Even Delilah was running and laughing now.

Our laughter echoed in the hallways as we dashed about. Suddenly I spotted Teyrn Loghain and froze in awe again.

Nathaniel caught me staring. "Aw, Ely, go on, speak to him," He urged.

"Nah, she's too scared," my brother taunted. "See, Nate? Look how pale her face is. You were wrong; Ely's too scared to ever be a warrior."

I felt my face heat up with a mixture of fear and embarrassment as Teyrn Loghain looked on in with a look of mild amusement on his face.

"What's this?" Loghain asked, his brow raised in inquiry. "You wish to be a warrior, girl? Do you have what it takes to handle that sort of training?" I looked over at Nathaniel but he wouldn't meet my eyes. I felt like they were all laughing at me now. How dare they! I was Eilonwy Cousland and I refused to be laughed at!

"I will!" I shouted, my gaze locked firmly on the Teyrn. My clenched fists shook in fierce determination. "I will become a warrior, just you wait and see! I'll be the best warrior in all of Ferelden and I'll serve in the king's army and be a great hero just like you!"

I ran from the room then, my face wet with tears from my outburst. I kept running, even though I heard Nathaniel call my name. I ran and ran until I reached the stables where I collapsed in a heap. The hay was soft and poked through my dress. I don't know how long I laid there, like that, face buried in the hay; tears and snot dripping from my face.

"Sometimes, when I'm here alone, I do that too," I heard a small voice say. It was the stable boy that had caught me and Nathaniel last night.

I rubbed my nose on my dress sleeve and peered closely at the boy. His clothes were rough but not torn. His short blonde hair was messy but clean and his bright golden eyes shone like drops of bottled sunlight.

He had a piece of cheese in one hand and a golem doll in the other. His face was smudged with a line of dirt, like he had been playing or maybe working in the fields and his looked filled with loneliness.

"Would you like to play with me?" I asked suddenly.

"Uh. I can't. I'm not allowed." He shifted nervously. "I'm sorry miss, but I should go," he muttered before darting off through the stable doors.

"But wait! I didn't even get your name," my words trailed off; he was already gone. What a strange boy, I thought to myself. I wonder how long he was watching me cry into the hay before he spoke. It felt like I had been hiding here for hours.

"Ely? Are you in here?" I recognized Nathaniel's voice calling for me. I rubbed my face one last time to hide evidence of my tears. I stood up and straightened my dress before I called out to him.

"Aw, Ely, look at you," Nathaniel said with a smile. "You're covered in hay."

Nathaniel helped me pick all the hay from my dress and my hair before we both headed back to the castle together. I felt better now but I was still mad at Fergus for teasing me in front of the Teryn.

"You know, Fergus was real worried about you," Nathaniel said. "He was looking all over the castle for you, but I knew where you'd be hiding." I could hear a tone of smugness in his voice.

"Hmph. Well, serves him right then," I replied. "And if you knew so well, why didn't you find me sooner then?" I teased lightly. It was so easy, talking with Nathaniel. It was like talking to my shadow.

"Ely," Fergus exclaimed when we reached the castle doors. He rushed up and hugged me tight. "I thought you ran away or something happened, you were gone so long. I'm sorry Ely!" My brother's eyes were filled with genuine concern and I suddenly felt guilty for what I had said to Nathaniel about him a few minutes before.

"Eh. Don't be such a girl, Fergus," I replied, awkwardly. I rubbed my neck to ease the ache that had started to form.

"Hey! You're the one that stormed off crying after shouting at the Teyrn!" he replied.

"Well, that's only 'cuz you teased me!" I said in return, my voice rising. "You always tease me Fergus, it's not fair!"

"Well, that's 'cuz you're my sister. I have to tease you or people might think I like you or something," He said.

"Tha-that doesn't even make any sense!" I huffed and marched into the castle. I could hear Nathaniel howling with laughter behind me.

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Hope you enjoyed chapter two! Review if you would like. Chapter three will be up once I get it back from my Beta and fix it up!


	3. A Mother's Love

Chapter Three

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I spent the rest of the day alone in my room, sulking. The First Day festival was to be tonight but I wasn't in the mood to dress up in some silly dress and attend a fancy party. There would be dancing. I hated dancing. I couldn't help but think about Mother. She wanted so much from me that I knew I couldn't be. I was horrible at everything she wanted me to be good at. My knitting was rough and every thing I tried to sew fell apart. I was terrible at riding side saddle and dancing. I loved my mother but I could tell she was disappointed I didn't act like a proper girl like Delilah and Anora. My thoughts were interrupted by a rough knock on the door.

"Go away. I'm not going to the festival!" I called through the closed door.

The door creaked open anyway and my father stepped through. "So, pup, I heard what happened from your brother."

"I know, I know. Noblewomen can't be warriors," I replied with a sigh. "But it's not fair! I don't want to be a rogue and do archery and I don't want to get married either! It's boring."

My father's eyes lit up. "Not even to Nathaniel?" my father teased with a smile.

"Father!" I whined. I plucked at a stray thread in my dress, my fingers pulling and twisting the strand in frustration.

"Who said you can't be a warrior? We Fereldans have plenty of strong female warriors in our history."

I stood up and crossed the room to look out my window. It was just after midday and the sun shone brightly on the lawn. I could see the people below, carrying wide baskets of fruit and trays of meat. I saw one man struggling with a barrel of ale, his brow crinkled in determination. I could see the stable boy down there, too. The sun shone of his dark blonde hair as he carried wooden chairs to the tables.

"Mother said I couldn't," I said, pouting.

He stroked his chin in thought. "Ah. I see," Father said. "Your mother just wants you to be safe, Ely. She loves you very much. You know that, don't you?"

"I'm just a disappointment to her. I'm not a proper lady, like Delilah," I said and rolled my eyes.

Father's eyes grew wide. I could tell what I had said had shocked him, but it was how I felt. Eventually he sighed, came over, and kissed my forehead. "I'll talk with her, pup," was all he said before he left.

I threw myself face down on my bed and fell asleep; I felt so tired from crying most the day. I woke up a little while later to a soft knocking sound on my door.

"Come in," I said as I ground the sleep from my eyes.

Mother entered the room, her eyes filled with worry. Her long black hair was peppered with gray and bound tightly around her head. She wore a fancy dress: all lace and silks cinched tight around her waist. My mother was a beautiful woman. I remember when I was smaller I would huddle around her skirts and she would sing to me as she did her hair for special events or dates with Father.

"Eilonwy," Mother began as she handed me some food from the festival. "I spoke with your Father today. He told me what you talked about."

"I'm sorry, Mother. I want to be a better daughter but I'm just not!" A few tears rolled down my cheeks. I really did love my mother and wanted to live up to her expectations, even if she did nag all the time.

Suddenly I felt her arms wrap around me in a warm embrace. She held me tightly and hummed an old Fereldan lullaby like the one she use to sing when I was a baby. She stroked my hair gently until the tears stopped and then released me. I nibbled on a piece of bread and cheese while she spoke.

"Eilonwy, I do not think you are a disappointment. Sometimes we mothers push our ideals of what we wanted when we were young onto our children. That is my fault and I am sorry." I was shocked to hear my mother apologize. "You are my treasure, my darling girl. You are full of so much more spunk than I was as a child. I admire that in you. You must get that from your father." Mother sighed and brushed a strand of hair from my face before continuing. "If it is truly your wish to be a warrior, we'll begin your training when we arrive back in Highever."

"Really? Really, really?" I squealed. "Oh thank you Mother, thank you so much!" I squeezed her tight and leapt off the bed so I could prepare for the festival; my mood had greatly improved.

"You still have to attend the festival tonight and I am afraid you must wear a dress," Mother said with a smile. She helped me dress and brushed out my hair. She did a simple braid down my back and let me pick out one of my less-fancy dresses. It was a simple dress, dark green with plain laces up the back.

When we got downstairs the party was already in full swing. I saw men and women dancing the Remigold, people laughing and drinking. I felt bored already but I was determined to smile and pretend to have a good time. If Mother was going to be generous enough to allow me to be a warrior the least I could do was smile at her silly parties.

Mother soon left my side to go and dance with Father.

"Lady Eilonwy!" Prince Cailan rushed up to me, an excited smile plastered on his face.

"Er… Only my mother calls my Eilonwy." I said, nervously. I was a bit embarrassed the future King of Ferelden had seen me cry and shout. "Please, your Highness, call me Ely."

"Oh." He laughed awkwardly. "Sure. Anyway, did you see the swords Uncle Eamon has?"

"Oh, I think I remember seeing them," I replied. I was still in daze at the time over what Nathaniel had said, so I didn't really remember.

"Come one, I will show you," the Prince replied.

"I, uh, can't sneak out. I promised Mother I would attend the festival," I said, dejectedly.

"Huh? It is not sneaking out if you are with me," He said, scratching his head. "I am the Prince. I can go wherever I like."

"Oh, well..." were the only words I got out before Cailan grabbed me by the hand and tugged me out of the great hall. We wandered the halls for a bit before he stopped in the middle of one particularly dark hallway.

"Well, it would appear I have gotten us lost, Lady Eilonwy," he said sheepishly.

"Lost? Oh Maker, my mother's going to kill me!" I said, pacing around. "You don't have any idea where we are?" I asked.

"Father always says I'm really good at getting people lost but not so much on getting them found again," was his only reply. Great. Lost in a castle with a Prince who has no sense of direction.

"You're not far from the stairs leading to the dungeon," a voice came from the shadows. Calian's face turned sheet white and his eyes grew big.

"Wh-who is there? I am the Prince of Ferelden and I demand you show yourself!"

I heard a deep chuckle but couldn't see where the voice was coming from.

"All right, Nathaniel," I said. "I think you've scared his Highness enough."

"Lord Nathaniel? Is it really you?" Calian called out, his voice still holding some fear in it.

"Yep! Just your friendly, neighborhood rogue hiding in the shadows," He said with a laugh as he stepped into the light. "How'd you know it was me, Ely?"

"I know your voice," I replied.

"Really? Huh. Well, anyway, the room you are looking for is this way. Come on, I'll show you, Ely."

Nathaniel grabbed my hand and pulled me away, leaving Prince Calian to trail meekly behind us.

After we explored the swords for a while Nathaniel suggested it was time we head back before we were missed. When we returned Prince Cailan wandered off in search of Anora after a bit, leaving me and Nathaniel alone.

"Nathaniel?" I asked, looking up at him. "Why'd you follow us?"

"You shouldn't go exploring unless I'm with you, Ely. It isn't safe."

I rolled my eyes in exasperation. "Oh. I swear, you're worse than Mother sometimes, Nathaniel." I replied

Nathaniel grinned. "Did you just call me an old woman?"

"Mmhmm. An old mother hen, past her time." I said and laughed.

Nathaniel chuckled and bowed low. "Well Milady Eilonwy, instead of standing around talking like two old hens, how about we dance instead?" He held one hand out to me, a wicked smile on his face. My heart jumped a little, though I didn't understand why. Suddenly my throat felt dry and I didn't know what to say. It was just Nathaniel in front of me, hand waiting patiently for me to grab it, but all my words were lost behind the sound of my own heart thumping.

I nodded, still unable to speak, and took his hand. I had never noticed before but he had calluses running across his palm and fingertips.

Nathaniel winced as I stepped on his toes. I was a horrible dancer. "Ely, try to step near my feet not on them? Follow my lead, like this." He pulled back a little, so I could see his feet more clearly. Back once, over twice, forward and twirl. I kept tripping over my own feet on the twirl and going left when I was suppose to go right.

Nathaniel chuckled low. "Ah, clumsy little Ely. Feel the beat of the music. Once you hear that rhythm, your feet will glide into place. Close your eyes. One, two three. One, two three."

I closed my eyes and gripped Nathaniel's shoulder a little tighter. I tried to make my feet light and airy as I listened to Nathaniel murmuring one, two three. Nathaniel moved gracefully to the music and his hand felt warm in mine.

"There, Ely. Open your eyes. Your dancing quite well, now," I heard Nathaniel say. I opened my eyes and gasped a little. I really was dancing! In my surprise though I stepped wrong and landed on Nathaniel's toe, again.

"Well, you do well when you're not looking at your feet so much. Look at me instead."

I looked up into Nathaniel's eyes. In the light they looked more blue than gray, such beautiful eyes. I felt my face growing warmer as a blushed formed on my cheeks. Nathaniel raised one brow quizzically, probably unaware of my thoughts. The dance ended and the people around me started clapping. I quickly stepped away from Nathaniel and joined in. I mumbled an excuse of feeling tired and excused myself from the rest of the festival. I hoped once I got some sleep I'd be able to look Nathaniel in the eyes again without blushing like an idiot.

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Hope you enjoyed the latest chapter! Review if you have the time! ^_^ Thanks to my beta for pointing out all errors, all remaining errors are my fault, lol!


	4. What Makes the Heart Race

Hello again! This chapter is my shortest one yet, sorry! Read and review if you have the time!

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The clanging sound of metal against metal filled the courtyard. I watched carefully as Father and Fergus sparred; taking in every movement, every parry, every blow. The ride back to Highever had seemed to take forever. I had waited eagerly and impatiently for this moment. My parents had promised I could begin training as soon as we returned home. Father and Fergus were showing me a practice bout and I was drinking it all in.

After we returned to Highever, Father had given me a beginner's sword. It was made of wood but sturdy. After I had been training for a few years I would be allowed a real sword with a dull edge. My hands shook with nervousness and excitement as I held the blade for the first time. It felt like butterflies had landed in my stomach and were fluttering around.

I watched as Fergus brought his shield up to block a blow Father had made with his sword. While I was watching I began putting on my training armor with the help of one of our squires. The practice armor was heavy, thick leather with more straps and buckles than some of Mother's fancy dresses.

It was finally time for my first training session. I tried to mimic the stance Father had taken during the sparring session I had watched. My long, dark hair was tied back in a tight braid so it wouldn't get in the way.

My instructor was an older man with long dark gray hair tied back in a ponytail. He had dark green eyes the color of pine tree needles. He was very scruffy and smelled of wood oils.

Soon the clash of metal echoed as my instructor taught me how to parry blows and practice defense. I wanted to use a shield, like all the great heroes in Nan's tales did, but Father said that would come with practice.

As the next blow came down I lost my balance and fell. Cursing to myself I stood up and squared my shoulders: I would not give up. We practiced for hours; the sweat rolling of my skin and drenching my tunic and leggings. Soon I was out of breath and my muscles were sore.

"All right, Lady Eilonwy," my instructor said, wiping the sweat from his own brow. "That will be all for today."

I nodded; I was too out of breath to respond. I slowly trudged up the stairs to my room after Father congratulated me. Every muscle in my body screamed with pain and my arms and legs felt as heavy as stones. I felt exhausted and wanted nothing more than a bath and some sleep before the evening meal.

I slowly stripped myself of my clothes as an Elven maid filled my bath with water. I breathed a sigh of relief as I stepped in; letting the water ease my aching body. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes before dismissing the lady in waiting.

It wasn't long before I drifted off to sleep. I awoke to my mother lightly shaking my shoulder.

I opened my eyes and looked up at my mother's face. Her light blue eyes were filled with concern as she grabbed a towel and brought it over.

"Eilonwy, darling, I know you are tired, but please do try and not fall asleep in the bath," Mother said with worry.

I nodded my head as I gingerly stepped out of the bath. The stone floor felt cold on my bare feet. I let my mother wrap the warm towel around me and stumbled over to my bed. I yawned loudly as mother ran a brush through my gnarled hair; patiently taming the tangles.

I put on the new tunic and leggings Father had bought for me. I still had plenty of dresses but now I also had boy clothes to wear. It was so much easier to run and play now! I could tell Mother wasn't happy but she never said a word.

My stomach let out a large grumble as I walked down the castle stairs ahead of Mother. The workout must have made me hungrier than I thought.

I took my place at the table and waited for my mother to take her place. Once she was seated we said our thanks to The Maker and Andraste for our food and began to eat. Today we were having my favorite: Lamb and pea stew. Nan made the best stew in all of Ferelden.

My father cleared his throat and I looked over at him. "I have an announcement to make. We will be having a guest arrive in a month. A young boy will be coming to train with us for a few years at the castle," my father said in between bites. It was normal in Ferelden for young boys of lesser noble families to squire away from home. The Couslands and the Mac Tirs were high enough nobility that we didn't need to, we could afford the highest training and tutors already. I didn't really care who it was, we already had a squire, Darrien. Our mothers were dear friends but I hadn't really noticed Dairren except when he and Fergus sparred. He had orange-brown hair and brown eyes and wasn't very good on the field; Fergus nearly always bested him.

I continued eating, barley even glancing up when Father spoke again. "Well, Pup, aren't you going to inquire as to who this boy is?"

I motioned towards my very full mouth to indicate I'd rather continue eating than ask any questions. I was hungry, tired, and sore. Father just chuckled and shook his head. I glanced over and could see Mother smiling broadly. Oh Maker. I hoped she wasn't going to urge me to marry this one, too. When Darrien had first arrived she had been constantly dropping hints that he would make a good match for me. I had to stop this before she embarrassed me in front of the new squire. I just had to be calm and rational.

I slammed my fork down on the table and cleared my throat. "I'm not getting married! Not ever and you can't make me!" Oh for the love of Andraste, that was not calm or rationale. Maker's breath but wasn't I just the epitome of tact and diplomacy?

Mother stared at me for a full minute before responding. "For the love of Andraste, Eilonwy, where in the world did that come from? No one said anything about marriage; though you may want to wait until you are older before deciding such things. You never know what dashing young rogue might catch your eye."

I rolled my eyes and shoveled more food into my mouth before responding. "I don't care. Marriage is boring. What would I do with a husband? I will fight my own battles."

Mother chuckled lightly and I could see Father's eyes gleaming with suppressed laughter. I didn't know what they found so amusing but it didn't really matter. My thoughts eventually drifted to Nathaniel and the dance. I couldn't figure out why my heart felt so strange. Maybe I had eaten something that had spoiled? Whatever it was, I didn't like it. Not one bit. It made me feel awkward and clumsy. Nathaniel was my best friend; whatever illness this was better go away fast. I didn't want to ruin our friendship because of some weird disease.

"Mother, what kind of sickness makes your heart race and your tummy all flip-floppy?" I asked. Maybe if I told Mother, she could find a healer for me.

Mother crinkled her brow in concern. "Are you not feeling well, darling?"

"I feel fine now but I felt sick at the Festival when I was dancing," I replied.

The side of Mother's mouth twitched. "You mean, while dancing with Nathaniel?"

I nodded my head in reply. I could tell my mother was struggling to hide a smile but I had no idea what was so funny.

"Well Darling, I wouldn't worry about it too much right now. You're still young."

I'm still… young? What does that have to with being sick? Maybe she meant I'll grow out of it? Maybe all eight year old little girls get sick around this time. That was probably it. Mother would tell me, if it was serious. The rest of dinner happened in silence. Not the strained sort of silence that happens at formal dinners; more the comfortable silence of a close family enjoying their food.

I went to bed early that night; I was worn out from practice. Father had gifted me with another sword; one that had been in the family for generations. I wasn't to use it yet but someday I hoped to carry this sword into battle. I looked at my new sword lovingly though, caressing the hilt and watching my reflection shine on the blade, before crawling between my sheets and falling fast asleep.


	5. Looking For You

Well, this is my longest chapter yet (compared to chapter fours shortness)! Read and review is you can, please! ^_^

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It had been three years since I had begun my training. And, as it turned out, I was able to train with Nathaniel—he had been the squire Father had spoken of. I still remembered the day her arrived like it was yesterday.

_I had just finished my training session of the day. It was late morning, almost mealtime. My hair was swept up in a high, tight bun and I was covered in dirt and sweat. I had heard the clopping of horse hooves behind me and turned to see a boy in leather armor sitting atop a gray horse and talking with Father. He had his helmet on so I hadn't recognized him, at first. I had stood and watched for a time before wandering over to investigate. _

_Father smiled as I approached. "Ah, pup. There you are. Come to meet the new squire, did you?" Father had asked._

_I nodded my reply and wiped a loose strand of hair from my eyes._

"_Meet me? Have you forgotten who I am already, Ely?" The boy chuckled as he removed his helmet. Nathaniel's long dark brown hair shone in the sun and his eyes glinted with amusement. He smiled at me and my heart started thumping like crazy again. _

"_Na-Nathaniel! You'll… be living at Castle Cousland?" I asked, fumbling with my words. Here was this nervous feeling again. My heart was racing, my palms were sweaty, and my stomach was in knots. Were my parents right? Did I have… a crush on Nathaniel? _

_Nathaniel got down from his horse. "Yep! Father wanted me to be trained by the best and I hear your trainer is the best so here I am," he said. His smile had lit my heart on fire._

I shook myself to bring myself back to the present. That nervous feeling around Nathaniel had eventually faded. My heart still raced when I saw him but I was no longer awkward speaking to him. I had finally admitted to myself that I was not sick. I liked Nathaniel. The way he laughed, the way his eyes would light up when he was excited about something, the way his muscles glistened in the sun when he was training, even the way he would growl when he was angry or frustrated. I liked everything about him but I still didn't really understand what that meant. Did I want to marry him someday? What did boys and girls do together? I knew that they kissed, and more, from the lewd comments I heard the boys in town say when they thought I wasn't near enough to hear. What I didn't understand was what the "more" was. It didn't matter though, I was certain Nathaniel would never be interested in a girl like me. The girls Fergus and the other boys were into were all… larger in the chest region and more feminine. Taller, too. In three years I hadn't even grown an inch.

Mother said I would probably be short like her mother was. Grandmother never grew past 5'0 and in her old age she hunched over and looked even shorter, a bit like a Dwarf. I prayed every night to the Maker to let me be taller than a Dwarf. She had been a nice woman, though; she and grandfather had been very much in love from what mother told me. They both died together, in their sleep, a month before I was born.

The waves crashed noisily against the rocks where I was sitting. I had taken my horse, Aska, to the coastline to cool my head. I had seen Nathaniel flirting with yet another commoner girl. Nathaniel flirted with every girl he met; he was known in town as being a ladies' man and doing more than just flirting with the young girls. Whatever the hell that meant. I didn't have any claim on him, but I couldn't help but feel a little jealous. Nathaniel probably just didn't have time for little eleven-year-old girls now that he was fourteen.

I pulled my boots off and dipped my toes in the cold water, letting the waves splash against my legs. I leaned back and let my long hair blow in the wind. I wanted to cut it off, but Mother had made me promise to keep it long. She said even warriors needed to attract men and a woman's pride was her hair. I hated my long hair. I closed my eyes and listened to the sound of the pounding waves and seagulls crying.

"I've been looking for you, Ely. Never thought I'd find you down by the sea," I heard a voice say. I sat up quickly and reached for my sword before realizing it was Nathaniel.

"Maker's breath! Nate, you scared me half to death; what are you doing out here?" I asked, releasing the hilt of my sword. He had recently begun to prefer going by Nate. I still called him Nathaniel a lot of the time but, sometimes, I'd use Nate like everyone else.

Nathaniel chuckled. The low sound seemed to glide against my skin like silk. "Looking for you, weren't you listening?"

"Hmph. Well, you found me! What do you want?" I asked, still grumpy from seeing him flirt with that girl.

He raised an eyebrow at my tone. "Well, if I'm not wanted here, maybe I should go?"

I sighed. If only he knew how much I wanted him here, not that me spilling my pathetic guts would help anything. "Sorry." I mumbled and shrugged my shoulders as I settled back down on the rocks.

Nathaniel sat down beside me and for a few minutes we just sat there in silence, watching the sea. I could hear the horses nearby, snorting loudly and munching on grass.

He turned his head slightly to look at me, a curious smile on his lips. "Aren't you going to ask why I was looking for you, Ely?" Nathaniel asked.

"Hmm? Oh! I suppose. Why were you looking for me, Nathaniel?" I asked, meeting his gray-colored eyes. His eyes reminded me of the sky after a storm; they were the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen.

He handed me a string of shells and small gems tied together on a leather strip. "I made this for you. I know Satinalia isn't for another week, but I thought I'd give you a present early," he said.

I turned the ornament over in my hands, admiring the shells and gems. It was beautiful and I could tell how much work had gone into this. The shells had been carefully pierced so a thong of leather could be laced throughout and the gems were bright purple amethyst and light blue topazes that glittered in the sun's light. At the bottom I noticed a large wooden bead. I brought it closer to my face so I could study the intricate carvings.

"I carved that bead myself. Do you like it?" Nathaniel asked, a slight tone of uncertainty in his voice.

"It's beautiful Nathaniel, thank you much!" I looked up at him, my eyes shining with happiness. I quickly tied it to my belt to prove I liked it.

He grinned suddenly; probably glad I liked his craftsmanship. "Good. Now I expect something equally as nice in return." He teased, his tone light. "Come on, we'd both better get back to the castle. Don't you have archery training today?"

I groaned loudly. I hated archery. My fingers would always fumble and I'd drop the stupid arrow. I'd spend most of archery practice swearing. I reluctantly got up and followed Nathaniel to where our horses were standing. Nathaniel grabbed the reins of my horse before suddenly grabbing my hand.

"Here, Lady Eilonwy, let me help you on your horse," he said with a lopsided a grin on his face. In my shock at his sudden change of behavior I let him help me mount Aska even though I was more than capable on my own. After I was seated he brought my hand to his lips. He pressed a soft kiss on my hand, looking into my eyes with a small grin on his face. Then he hopped on his own horse, a gray mare name Ryu, and galloped off.

My face felt hot and my heart fluttered strangely beneath my breast. What in the Maker's name was that all about? I tried hard to ignore it as I spurred Aska into a canter. I needed some space before catching up to Nathaniel; my face was still flushed and I didn't want him to see my blush.

When I reached the stables I let my mind wander as I wiped the sweat off Aska and put away her tack. I idly combed through her long black mane as my thoughts drifted towards archery. Father had told me it was essential I learn some type of long range attack. He seemed convinced it would be useful to me some day, despite Mother having told me just yesterday I was not allowed to join the King's Army. I knew she was only worried for my safety but it wasn't fair. It was my dream to someday join the King's Army and fight alongside the mighty King in battle. I wanted to serve Ferelden as a Cousland and bring more glory to our name and our country. Maybe if I proved myself to Mother she would change her mind.

I put on my bracers; lacing them tight on the back of my wrists so the hardened leather would protect the sensitive skin. I slipped on both my leather gloves and chestguard as well. I hated the chestguard. It was supposed to protect a woman's breasts but I didn't have any so why in the Maker's name was I forced to wear one? Mother assured me I'd grow in time but I didn't believe her. I was going to be stuck in a tiny body with no breasts for the rest of my life and no boy was ever going to find me attractive, of this I was sure.

I sighed heavily and walked out to the archery field. Dairren and Fergus were both already there practicing. Nathaniel was sitting nearby; lounging lazily in the grass. Nathaniel was a natural with a bow; he rarely missed a target even at his young age so he got away with sitting out when he wanted to.

I nocked the arrow and placed my index and middle fingers on the string and pulled the string back to my ear and released. The arrow landed a foot in front of me, in the ground. Shit.

I grabbed another arrow and nocked a second one. I pulled back again and dropped the arrow.

"Andraste's knickers!" I grumbled in frustration. I could hear Dairren and Fergus laughing nearby. Stupid boys.

"Put a sword in your hand and you turn into a fierce battle maiden, but the moment you grab a bow you turn back into the clumsy Ely I know." Nathaniel said as he came up to me.

I looked up at him, shading my eyes from the sun with my hand. "Are you just here to mock me, Nathaniel Howe, or help?"

He chuckled, that low, deep sound causing me to shiver slightly. "Here, I'll help." He grabbed the arrow I had dropped and scooted in close behind me, tucking his body snug against mine. I could feel the heat in my cheeks rising again as he put his right hand over mine and helped me grip the bow.

"Your hands are so tiny, Lady Eilonwy, so delicate," he mumbled into my hair. I felt so flustered I couldn't even think a response as he reached his other hand forward to nock the arrow in place. "Now, you have to keep your elbow straight. I've noticed you tilt your elbow skyward which is why the arrow never flies straight."

Nathaniel helped me to pull the bowstring back to my ear again; this time keeping my elbow aligned properly and the arrow in place. "Now, keep your eyes on the center of the target and aim behind it," he whispered, his breath tickling my ear slightly. We released the arrow together. It flew straight and hit the target almost in the center! I knew it was only because Nathaniel was helping me but I couldn't keep the grin off my face at having finally hit the target. I normally hit the ground or dropped my arrows entirely; this was my first time making it even near the target.

Nathaniel stepped back, releasing me, and grinned wide. "See, Ely? I knew you'd hit it, eventually."

I just nodded in reply, still feeling confused from our previous closeness. I reached for another arrow and tried again, this time on my own, while Nathaniel watched on; giving helpful tips as the hour went on. Eventually I was able to hit the target by myself, though nowhere near the center.

Nathaniel, Fergus, Dairren, and I all took lunch together out on the lawn. Dairren's sword fighting had improved since he came here but he still lost most of his fights. He was better than me with the bow but I had bested him with the sword and shield every time we fought.

"So, sister of mine, today we have our first practice bout together. I'll try not to hurt you, too much," Fergus said.

I rolled my eyes but before I could reply Dairren spoke up. "Yeah, try and take it easy on her Fergus. She is a girl, after all."

Nathaniel raised his brows before openly laughing. "Take it easy on her? Is that why you always lose to her, Dairren?" Dairren turned bright red at this and Fergus burst out laughing. "Besides, it's Ely who should take it easy on poor Fergus here. "

"What? Seriously, Nate? You think my sister could honestly beat me? I'm insulted, my friend," my brother replied haughtily.

"No way Eilonwy could beat Fergus, he's a beast on the field," Dairren interjected, having finally overcome his embarrassment.

"Oh?" Nathaniel winked at me. "I bet you a whole sovereign Ely will beat Fergus in their practice bout," Nathaniel proclaimed.

Fergus's eyes widened in shock. A whole sovereign? I felt the pressure low in my gut; now I had to win. I couldn't disappoint Nathaniel, not if he was going to bet so much money on me.

Darrian agreed to the bet and I could feel my stomach turning. Not the butterfly flutter I would feel with Nathaniel; more like a giant hard lump had settled in the pit of my stomach and was rolling around.

Nathaniel helped me with my practice armor and Dairren assisted Fergus. Nathaniel kept whispering encouraging things to me as we put on the chest plate, gauntlets, and other equipment but I barely heard him. I took a deep breath and stepped onto the field. I saw our instructor out of the corner of my eye standing close by to watch.

I took my stance and held my shield at the ready. We paced around each other in a slow, tight circle. Fergus lunged first, bringing his sword down in a swiping motion. I brought my shield up and blocked the blow easily while twisting slightly and ramming the hilt of my sword on the lower side of his helmet. Andraste's ass, if I wasn't so blasted short that blow would have hit the top of his head. Still, the blow seemed to dizzy him a bit because he stumbled as he took a step back.

I pressed my advantage and used my leg to kick out and make contact with his knee, bringing Fergus down to ground. I lifted my sword for the final blow but he ducked down and rolled out of the way of the blade at the last second.

He regained his footing and we squared off again. The bards try to romanticize sword fighting but it isn't pretty. It's dirty, hot, and damn hard. Sweat dripped down my face and stung my eyes; my muscles were tense with the effort of moving fluidly in heavy armor.

Fergus struck out in a lower blow this time with more success; it connected soundly with my left leg. I dropped to the ground, my leg howling in pain. He pressed harder, swinging his sword in controlled arcs. Even though I blocked them with my shield, I could feel the contact vibrate in my arm. If he kept up this assault I would lose the fight.

I moved my shield forward, letting his blade make contact with my shoulder, and slammed my shield into his midriff. I could tell my unconventional move had surprised him and took the opportunity to stand up and swing my sword in a swift movement towards his neck. The moment the blade made contact with his armor the fight was over. In a practice bout the winner was determined by whoever made a "killing" blow with their dulled blades; people were rarely seriously injured during training.

I heard Nathaniel cheering boisterously behind me. I barely had time to take my helmet off before he was there sweeping me up in a hug and spinning me around. I laughed and hugged him back; still exhilarated from the fight.

Dairren came over and begrudgingly gave Nathaniel a sovereign before glaring at Fergus and punching him in the shoulder. "You just cost me a sovereign, Cousland. Thanks for that."


	6. Protective Brother

**Chapter Six**

The next day I rode Aska into town to look at the swords in the market area. I loved spending hours looking at all the weapons and armor, admiring the craftsmanship. I was especially fascinated by weapons with history attached to them.

The city of Highever was always bustling with activity. I could hear the merchants hocking their wares, Chanters saying the Chant of Light, and the many people going about their day-to-day lives. I inhaled deeply; the air smelled strongly of the sea fish, and wet dog. It smelled like home.

I felt my stomach gurgle with hunger. I wandered over to where a baker was selling fresh-baked bread and bought two rolls and an apple. I sat down in the Chantry courtyard and ate my meal, watching as the nearby children played and laughed. It was a nice day with a light breeze coming in from the Waking Sea and I let my mind wander as I sat on the grassy lawn.

My twelfth birthday was coming up and I was really hoping my parents would get me a Mabari war hound. I just had to have a war hound to ride with me into battle! They were the smartest dogs in all of Thedas. I just knew if I had a Mabari I would be a great and legendary hero one day.

After I was finished eating I started in the direction of one of the weapon stalls I had passed earlier. There was particularly nice sword I remembered seeing; the merchant had said it was a fine Dwarven blade found in the Deep Roads. I might decide to purchase it with the money Father gave me last year on my birthday; I had saved every silver of it so I could buy a really nice sword on my own.

When I reached Aska I noticed a blonde-haired boy sitting atop a dark gray mare. It was Colbert. Colbert was the son of a commoner and often trained up at the castle. He was very competitive and tried challenging my in sword fighting every chance he could. He also always lost. He was good but I was better.

"Well, if it isn't Lord Eilonwy." Colbert sneered down at me, his expression full of contempt.

I rolled my eyes. "Hello, Colbert. I don't feel like beating you in a match today, go bother someone else," I replied.

I saw his face heat up in anger as I mounted Aska. "Well, if you're so smug Lord Eilonwy, perhaps you'll be up for a different challenge today?"

I sighed, what could he possibly have in mind this time? "If you're the opponent than it is hardly a challenge, Colbert."

Colbert's grin was full of malice. "Oh? Well, then I suppose a horse race wouldn't interest you? Since there is nothing you can't do, of course."

Shit. My riding wasn't exactly the best and I couldn't seem to jump worth a damn either. But I couldn't back down. If I said no, Colbert would just accuse me of being scared, like a girl. "Fine. I accept your challeng, Colbert."

We both rode together down to the beach. The finish line was marked by a large boulder off in the distance. We both counted to three and the race began. I tucked my body in close to Aska, trying to make myself as lightweight as possible. Colbert was ahead but not by much. If I could just spur Aska to go a little faster, I could beat him. The first jump was up ahead: a large log that we had pulled into the path to create a bigger challenge. Colbert's mare jumped it easily; gliding gracefully over the fallen log like it was the easiest thing in the world.

The moment Aska got near enough to jump, she balked. "Damn horse, jump!" I whispered furiously in her ear. Of course, my horse was the stubborn sort and refused. Instead she carefully walked around the branch. Now Colbert had a huge lead. I spurred Aska into a gallop and prayed to the Maker I was still able to catch up to Colbert.

I prayed in vain though. At each jump Aska would either walk around it or carefully step over it. Colbert finished the race long before I did at waited at the finish line, laughing the entire time. At the last jump I furrowed my brow and pulled hard on Aska's reins, causing her to rear back instead of jump over the log. I lost my balance and fell into a pile of mud.

"Well, well, well. It seems there is something little Lord Eilonwy isn't good at. How does it feel to finally lose?" Colbert asked, his tone smug.

I glared up at him, my face growing warm with anger. "Oh, shove off, Colbert. Stupid horse won't jump."

Colbert laughed. "Only in incompetent rider blames the horse, Milord."

Dammit, but he was right. "Milady."

Colbert cocked an eyebrow at me. "What?"

I gritted my teeth in annoyance. "The correct term of address is Milady."

Colbert laughed again, the sound was starting to grate on my nerves. "Well, I figured since you wanted to be a man so badly _Lord _Eilonwy, it wouldn't be appropriate to call you a lady. Besides, with that figure you hardly look like a girl, anyway."

My face flushed hot with the heat of embarrassment. He was right again. I was flat chested and had the shape of a boy, not a girl. Still, it hurt to hear it said so bluntly. I could feel tears starting to form and hated myself for it. I always cried so easily. Warriors aren't suppose to cry.

"Aw, what's the matter Milord? Are you going to cry? Did I hurt the spoiled little noble's feelings?" Colbert asked in a mocking tone.

"What in the hell is going on here?" I looked over, recognizing Fergus's voice. I could tell he was angry; his fists were clenched together tightly.

"Oh, Cousland. We were just having some fun, no harm done. We were just playing, right Eilonwy?" Colbert glared at me. I didn't want to cause any more trouble so I hung my head and nodded.

"Bullshit," I heard Fergus growl. I heard a sharp thud and looked up.

I saw blood spurting from Colbert's nose and Fergus standing in a fighting stance. Colbert quickly regained his bearings and went to hit back but Fergus was too quick. He sidestepped the blow and grabbed Colbert by the back of the head and pulled back; slamming Colbert to the ground. Then he climbed on top of him and started pummeling his fists into Colbert's face.

Before Fergus could do much damage Colbert got up and jumped atop his horse before riding off.

Afterward it was just Fergus and I. I didn't understand why he had come to my defense like that. Colbert hadn't said anything that wasn't true.

I looked up at Fergus, my brow crinkled in confusion. "Why'd you hit Colbert? He was only stating the truth and you tease me all the time, Fergus."

Fergus looked shock and confused. "It's different if I'm teasing you."

I didn't understand what he meant by that at all. Were all brothers this confusing? I just looked at him; my face twisted in confusion.

Fergus sighed. "I love you, Sis, and I won't let anyone make you cry. Understand? If anyone ever hurts you again, come to me. I'll take care of them, 'kay?" Fergus ruffled my hair before grabbing me in a quick hug.

I hadn't realized Fergus cared before now. I had always thought he felt I was a bother. Despite our constant fighting I really did look up to my big brother and wanted to impress him. I hugged him back and cried into his shirt; staining his tunic with tears, snot, and mud.

"Hey, what's going on here? Why's Ely crying?" I heard Nathaniel say. I startled and backed away from Fergus.

Why, oh why did he have to show up now? I was covered in mud and my hair was filthy. I was sure my nose and eyes were red from crying. I also didn't want him to know Colbert had been teasing me or that I had lost the race. What if he thought of me the same as Colbert did? My heart fell at the thought; I didn't want Nathaniel to find me unattractive.

Luckily, Fergus spoke up. "Don't worry about it, Nathaniel. I took care of it."

I saw a flash of anger in Nathaniel's eyes but it was gone so quickly I thought perhaps I had imagined it.

"Are you okay, Ely? Who did this to you?" Nathaniel asked, apparently ignoring Fergus.

"I-I'm fine," I said. I looked down, unable to meet his eyes. I heard him sigh but he didn't say anything; he just grabbed my hand and started walking towards Aska. Ryu was nearby and Fergus had brought his white stallion, Griffon, as well.

We rode back to Castle Cousland in silence. The cool air blew my hair back and I closed my eyes. I enjoyed the quiet trot back to the castle and hoped that once we arrived home this whole event would just be forgotton.

Fergus finished grooming his horse before anyone else once we had arrived back at the stables. He left quickly to wash up for training.

Nathaniel and I continued to groom our horses in silence. Suddenly Nathaniel threw the brush down and cursed.

"Why won't you tell me what happened? Don't you trust me, Ely?" Nathaniel asked, his voice full of hurt and anger.

I didn't want to tell him but I couldn't hide anything from Nathaniel. "It wasn't anything, Nathaniel. I-I lost a horse race with Colbert and he started teasing me again."

"What do you mean, again? Why does he tease you?" The hurt was gone from his voice but the anger seemed to be increasing; his voice was getting deeper which was a sure sign he was mad.

I took a deep breath; this was the part I really didn't want to tell him. "Because I look like a boy."

"You do _not_ look like a boy," Nathaniel replied vehemently. "Why didn't you come to me sooner? You didn't have to go to your brother for protection."

I tilted my head, confused. "Fergus said brothers always protect their sisters. Why are you angry? Did I do something wrong?"

Nathaniel sighed in frustration. "I don't care if he _is_ your brother. _I'll _ protect you, Ely, no one else." Nathaniel got down on one knee and took hold of my hands. He looked into my eyes, his face solemn. "I promise from now on I will protect you before all others, Lady Eilonwy. I will devote my whole life to making sure you are safe and happy, no matter what the cost. I swear by Andraste and the Maker, I will be there for you for the rest of our lives."

My breath caught in my throat as I looked into his eyes. My heart felt so full I thought for sure it would burst from my chest. I didn't fully understand what was happening or why he was saying such things but I could feel my heart swelling with happiness. I vowed I would remember this moment for the rest of my life.

Nathaniel stood up, his eyes still locked on mine. His lips slightly parted, he started to lean in towards me. My heart started to pound in nervous anticipation.

"Hey, Instructor Dario is looking for you two," a voice interrupted. Nathaniel sighed and took a few steps back. It was Dairren, come to fetch us for our training session. I had never wished for practice to be canceled. I wasn't certain what was about to happen or what it meant but I was sure of one thing: I wanted more than anything for Nathaniel to like me.


	7. The View From the Top of the Tree

**Chapter 6.5**

_A scene from the next chapter from Nathaniel's POV_

"Nate? Where are you hiding?"

That buxom blonde was following me around again. What was her name? Clarissa? Corlina? No, it was Caroline. She was always following me about and flirting with me. She was pretty enough, I supposed, but I wasn't interested in just any girl. There was a certain dark haired warrior in training that had caught my eye years ago.

I had taken the first opportunity I could find to sneak away from Caroline. I slipped through a few alleyways and found a tree to hide in. I wondered if Ely remembered that first time we met; I'd never forget the expression on her face when she climbed the big oak near her castle.

I hadn't seen her since the day I told her how I felt. She didn't have the chance to respond but I hoped she felt the same. I wondered where she was now, what she was doing. I wondered what it would be like to finally kiss her.

Eventually Caroline walked away in defeat, unable to find my position. I decided to stay hidden for a while to make sure the coast was clear.

"Lady Ely, follow me!" I recognized that voice; it was Dairren. Dairren seemed like an alright chap, if a bit drab.

I peeked carefully through the leaves and watched as Dairren pulled my Ely towards the tree I was hiding in. I noticed how he kept her hand clasped tightly in his and felt jealousy spread like a wildfire in my chest.

He whispered something soft in her ear and I saw her blush. He kissed her cheek before walking away. It wasn't long before she left, heading in the opposite direction.

He shouldn't kiss her like that. She shouldn't have let him. I felt strangely possessive over Ely. I didn't want her to be with anyone but me. Did she think of me as just an older brother figure? Did she not understand how I felt for her? If she really didn't feel the same then there was nothing I could do. Her free spirit was one of the things I loved most about her. I could hardly force her to be with me. I felt the anger and jealousy well up inside me. I jumped down and went off in search of Caroline.


	8. Broken Hearts and Abominations

**Chapter Seven**

"Lady Ely, follow me!" Dairren said as he pulled me towards a tree near the edge of town.

We had come into town together. I had come to see if Nathaniel was here; I had my return gift finished for him. I had spent hours sewing a leather pouch for him to wear and carry things in. Nathaniel liked practical things over pretty baubles. I hated sewing but I wanted to make something for him, like he made for me.

We had reached the tree and Dairren held out his other hand to show me something he had been hiding. It was a small dagger with a garnet set in the center of the hilt.

He leaned forward and whispered something in my ear.

"It's a Satinalia gift, for Fergus. Don't tell anyone, okay? If he doesn't like me, I don't want anyone to know. I trust you, Ely," he said before kissing my cheek and darting off. I felt the heat rising in my face; he liked my brother? Did he mean he liked Fergus the same way I liked Nathaniel? I was confused by the notion but if Dairren would make Fergus happy then that was a good thing. Poor Dairren though, if Fergus didn't feel the same.

I shook my head to clear the confusion away and headed back home to prepare for my training session.

"Well, maybe if you try changing your stance, you'll have better balance?" Fergus suggested. Training had been rather uneventful with Nathaniel and Dairren being missing. Fergus and I had just finished up and he was giving me some tips. We had grown closer since he beat up Colbert.

We were taking a walk to the stables when we heard some muffled sounds coming from behind the barn. Fergus put a finger to his lips and started slowly sneaking to see who it was. I followed him quietly, trying not to trip. I wasn't very good at sneaking.

When we got behind the stable I saw a boy with long dark hair kissing a pretty blonde girl. Her eyes were closed as he kissed her neck and I felt my cheeks heat up in embarrassment. The boy turned his head to nuzzle her hair and I felt my heart drop as I caught a glimpse of his face; it was Nathaniel.

I felt a pain tighten in my chest. I could feel tears beginning to well up in my eyes but I blinked them away. I would not cry. It's not like I owned Nathaniel; he was free to be with whoever he wanted. I turned on my heel and walked away. Fergus followed close behind. I was just glad Nathaniel hadn't noticed us spying on him. If he spoke to me right now I didn't know what I would do.

Fergus cleared his throat and touched my shoulder. "Ely? Are you... okay?" he asked, the concern evident in his voice.

I shrugged him off. "I'm fine, Fergus. Why would I be bothered over what that Nathaniel Howe does? Let him kiss a horse, if he wants. I don't care," I insisted. It was a lie, of course, but the only thing I could say.

Fergus looked at a loss for words. "Do you want me to beat him up for you, Sis?"

I chuckled at the thought and almost considered it. "No. I'm fine. I'm not even surprised. Nathaniel probably sees me as a little sister; just because I have a crush on him doesn't mean he isn't allowed to like other girls." I walked away; I just wanted to be alone right now.

I decided to ride Aska into town. Perhaps looking at the weapon stalls would take my mind of Nathaniel and my broken heart.

When I arrived in town there was a commotion going on with some Templars. I couldn't see what was going on so I moved closer, my curiosity getting the better of me.

"Come, mage. We are here to take you to the Circle. Do not resist and you will not be harmed." The Templar who spoke grabbed the arm of a young boy. I peered closely; it was Colbert!

Colbert jerked his arm free of the Templar's grasp. "Mother! Please, don't let them take me! I want to stay at home with you!" His voice was high pitched and desperate; tears rolled down his face in thick drops as he begged his mother to intervene.

His mother looked at him, a mixture of fear and disgust on her face. "I'm sorry Colbert. You should go with the Templars. All mages should be locked away for the safety of us all."

Colbert's eyes widened in shock. "No! Mother, please, don't leave me! I would never hurt you ! Please, don't let them take me, Mother, please!" he shouted, clinging to his mother's dress. I felt tears of my own begin; Colbert may be a bully but the pain was so clear in his voice I couldn't help but feel sorry for him.

The young woman who was his mother tugged her dress out of his hands and looked down on her son with cold eyes. "You don't belong here now. I'm sorry, Colbert, but I just don't know how to love you anymore."

She didn't love her own son? I didn't understand; my own mother would travel to the Fade itself to protect me if she needed to. Colbert fell to the ground and hung his head. "Fine. If there is no place for me, in this world, then I will make one of my own!" He shouted the last few words and fire bloomed in his hands. His eyes turned red as he shot fireballs at the Templars. Soon he skin began to twist in upon itself; turning him into an ugly misshapen form.

"Wonderful. Another abomination to be slain and this one a child," I heard a Templar say. I watched as the abomination that was once Colbert was slain by the Templars. Blood was everywhere and I was close enough that specks covered my face.

It felt like my whole world was spinning out of control. I'd never seen an abomination before and to see one killed so quickly was shocking. Colbert was dead. I could scarcely believe it; this boy I had known was a mage and now he lay dead with no one to mourn him.

Tears ran down my cheeks and I felt nauseous. I wanted to run and hide but my feet felt nailed to the ground. I could feel myself shaking and I didn't know what to do. Suddenly someone grabbed me from behind and pulled me into a tight hug; it was Nathaniel.

He whispered comforting words into my ear as he stroked my hair and held me. I gripped him tightly, forgetting my earlier hurt and anger at him. After a few moments I pulled back from his embrace. He reached forward and wiped the tears from my face.

"Why? Why did his mother abandon him like that?" I asked, my voice shaky.

Nathaniel sighed. "People fear mages, Ely. They have so much power at their fingertips and demons flock to them."

I shook my head fiercely; it still didn't make sense to me. "But that was her son! Even if I was a mage I know my mother would still love me! If that woman hadn't been so cruel to her own flesh maybe he wouldn't have had to die! He shouldn't have been forced from his home that way!" It suddenly seemed terribly unfair to me, the way the mages were ripped from their homes. Why couldn't their families visit? Why couldn't they be allowed out for holidays once they had learned to control their powers? Everyone in Thedas knew the fate of any mage born child. They were to be torn from their families and locked away in a Tower of Magi. They were never allowed out. Never free. Not even allowed to marry or pursue their dreams.

Nathaniel reached his hand out, as if to touch my face again, before he dropped it back to his side. "You should be careful where you say such things. Mage freedom is not a popular opinion and the Templars are still nearby." He sighed again and shook his head. "What were you doing in town, anyway?"

I couldn't possibly tell him I caught him with that girl. "I was, uh, looking for you! I have your return gift for Satinalia," I said as I pulled the leather pouch out of my pocket. I had been carrying it around since I made it in hopes of running into Nathaniel.

His eyes widen. Was he shocked I had made him something? He reached out and took the pouch from me, a slight smile on his face. I loved his smile; it always did funny things to my heart.

"Hmm, what's this, Nate? A leather purse?" It was the blonde girl I had caught him with earlier.

"It's a pouch, Caroline. For men," Nathaniel replied as she clung to his arm, pressing herself as close to him as she could get.

Caroline laughed, her voice sounding like the tinkling of bells. "Yes, well, look at the stitching! What a horrible job. You should get your money back from whichever merchant you bought that from, Lady Eilonwy," she replied.

I felt my cheeks heat up in embarrassment. "I-I didn't buy it at a merchant stall. I made it."

"Ah. Well, I'm sure you tried very hard." I could hear the laughter in her voice and Nathaniel wouldn't meet my eyes.

"Yes, of course! I'm sorry my gift wasn't very good, Nathaniel. I... I should go, let the two of you be alone."

Nathaniel looked over at me just then, a strange expression on his face, but it was Caroline who spoke. "Yes, Nate is being an absolute darling and taking me on a romantic date. Isn't he just the sweetest thing you ever saw, Lady Eilonwy?" She purred, leaning her head against Nathaniel's shoulder.

I could feel the hurt well up inside again. Nathaniel must like her, if he was taking her on a date. "Yes, Nathaniel is a very noble gentleman," I replied, trying to keep the sadness from my voice. "Please, don't let me keep you any longer." I turned and walked back toward Aska. I just wanted to go home and lock myself in my room before this day got any worse.


	9. Goading Nathaniel

**I want to first thank my beta reader, blondemoments, for helping all my grammar issues and helping me with ideas! Any remaining grammar issues are mine alone. Also, thanks to everyone who reviews the story, especially alyssacousland who has graciously reviewed every chapter****, your reviews mean the world to me! Please continue to read and review, I get a little thrill every time I see them posted! We're getting near the end of the story now so hopefully you enjoy where it goes!**

**Song I was listening to while writing: Park Shin Hye: Falling In Love With A Friend**

* * *

**Chapter Eight**

The next few months passed in a blur. Caroline visited the castle often to see Nathaniel. I tried to avoid them both. Dairren hadn't given Fergus the Satinalia gift he had bought for him. He said he was too nervous that Fergus would reject him. I understood that; rejection was a painful thing to bear.

Dairren and I spent many evenings together now. He spent most of that time talking about my brother, which was a bit awkward. Dairren didn't really have any other close friends to talk to though and neither did I now. Sometimes we'd talk of other things but mostly Dairren just wanted advice on how to confess his feelings to Fergus. Tonight was one of the nights we talked of Fergus.

I sighed deeply. "Just take him aside after practice one day and tell him. If you never try you'll never know, Dairren." I wanted Dairren to be happy and Fergus too. I wanted them to both feel the same way for each other and be able to spend time together the way Dairren wanted them to. Mostly, though, I just wanted Dairren to quit pestering me about my brother. It wasn't the fact he was another boy that made it awkward; it was the fact Fergus was my brother that was weird. I didn't want to think of my brother in romantic relationship with _any_ other person.

Dairren wrung his hands. "But what if he doesn't like me? It would make things so weird if he knew how I felt and didn't feel the same way. Besides, you're one to talk. You still haven't told Nathaniel how you felt," he replied as he paced up and down the stable. The stable was his favorite place to come talk privately.

"How did you know I like Nathaniel?" I asked, flabbergasted.

Dairren rolled his eyes and smirked. "How did I know? By the Maker, Lady Ely, everyone knows how you feel but Nathaniel himself. For that matter, I'm pretty sure most people knew how you felt before you even knew how you felt," he said with a slight chuckle.

I sighed heavily again. Well, at least Nathaniel didn't know. "Well, that's different anyway. I already know Nathaniel likes someone else; what would be the point in confessing my feelings to him? I'm like a sister to him, I'm sure, and spilling my guts would only make me look pathetic in his eyes. He'd probably even feel sorry for me," I replied dejectedly.

Dairren came over and placed a hand on my cheek. "Ah Lady Ely, there is so much you don't realize yet, isn't there?" He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on my forehead. What was he talking about? What was it I didn't realize?

As we turned to leave I noticed Nathaniel standing in the doorway, a scowl on his face. Dairren's eyes lit up and he grabbed my hand tightly. "Come on, _love_, we better not be late to practice today!" he said as he pulled me past Nathaniel. I saw Nate's expression darken even further and I swear I heard him growl a little.

After we had were out of his hearing range I stopped dead in my tracks and tugged on Dairren's hand. "Andraste's knickers Dairren, what was that about?"

Dairren smiled mischievously before answering. "Well, I thought we'd goad Nathaniel and make him jealous. That will prove to you he likes you and get everything out in the open."

"That is the dumbest idea I have ever heard," I replied flatly.

Dairren laughed and shook his head. "Trust me, Lady Ely. It will work."

Today was archery practice. I had gotten better but I was still no master marksman. At least I didn't drop the arrow, as much. I looked around, noticing our instructor hadn't arrived yet.

Nathaniel was standing over by himself, glowering at everything. His face looked handsome that way, dark and angry in the bright sunlight. Dairren noticed his angry look and walked over to me. He smiled quickly and whispered something in my ear. "Just follow my lead, okay?" Then he grabbed me by the shoulders and kissed me.

My first kiss was very... slobbery. When we broke apart I had to fight the urge to wipe the spit from my lips with my shirtsleeve. If that was what kissing was like I didn't like it. I glanced over at Nathaniel and his face was red with anger. But then, Fergus didn't seem too happy either. He came over and glared at Dairren a bit, his fists clenched like he wanted to hit the younger boy, before warning him to be careful with me. Careful? I was no fragile doll! I punched Fergus in the shoulder.

"I can take care of myself, thank you very much!" I scowled up at my brother and he just shook his head before looking over at Nathaniel and sighing heavily.

Nathaniel walked over to where Dairren was oiling his bow, his eyes full of angry intent. "Hey, Dairren. I'm bored with archery training today. How about you and I do a little sword fighting? Your greatsword against my dagger and shortsword?"

Dairren shifted nervously; he wasn't very good with a sword. "Do you think Instructor Dario would allow it?"

Nathaniel had a cold glint in his eyes. "Who said we had to let him know? Besides, if you're scared we'll use the old wooden ones instead."

Dairren glanced over at me and I smiled encouragingly at him. I knew Dairren had too much pride to say no to Nathaniel but I had no idea why Nathaniel was acting this way. "Alright, I guess that sounds okay," Dairren muttered.

Nathaniel flashed a wicked grin. "Good. We'll go behind the stables, so no one else sees."

"Oh no, Nathaniel Howe! If you're going to do something so foolish then Fergus and I are coming too!" I said as I set down my bow. I didn't fully understand what was going on but I had a bad feeling about the whole thing. I looked over at Fergus and he nodded his head before following the two boys.

I didn't like this, not one bit. They weren't even wearing the proper armor! All Dairren had on were his wrist guards and Nathaniel was in just a tunic and leggings. What if they got injured? I was worried for them both but more so for Dairren; Nathaniel easily outclassed him in swordplay.

I watched as the two men circled each other. "Hey sis, do you have any idea what's going on here?" Fergus whispered in my ear.

I shook my head, not taking my eyes off the fight. "Not really. I think Nathaniel's just being an ass but I don't understand why."

Fergus chuckled. "Well, maybe if you stopped kissing other boys, this would be less of a problem." I looked over at my brother; was Nathaniel just trying to protect me, like Fergus would?

Dairren lunged forward, swinging his greatsword at Nathaniel who easily dodged the blow and ended up behind Dairren. Nathaniel kicked out his leg as Dairren was turning and I heard a loud snap when it made contact with Dairren's knee. Dairren was limping now but he had a look of fierce determination on his face. Did he mean to continue the fight still? Was he trying to impress Fergus? Oh Maker, that was probably it. Damn men and their foolishness. He was probably doing this whole thing to prove to Fergus he was a strong warrior. Stupid, stupid! Why were men always so damn foolish?

Nathaniel must have noticed Dairren's limp too because he focused his next attack on the other man's bad side. He darted in quickly and slammed his dagger into Dairren's left side. It didn't pierce the flesh, being made of dulled wood, but it would leave a nasty bruise without armor protecting him. Nathaniel spun around and stabbed him a second time, this time in the shoulder. Dairren cried out and dropped his sword as he fell to the ground.

"Enough!" I shouted. I ran over to Dairren who was crying softly on the ground. "Dairren, are you alright?"

Fergus followed behind me and glared at Nathaniel before speaking. "Dammit Howe, don't you think you went too far this time?" he growled.

Nathaniel glanced over to where Dairren and I were. I had Dairren's head in my lap and he was trying to hide his tears from Fergus. I saw a flash of guilt and something else in his eyes before he tossed his weapons to the ground and stormed off.

Fergus walked over to Dairren and knelt down to look at his leg. "It's not broken but we should bring him to the Healer so she can make sure everything is alright."

It took Dairren a whole month to fully heal and I didn't see Nathaniel at all the during that time. I felt like he was avoiding me. Dairren kept urging me to find him and talk with him but I was furious. I didn't care what his reasons were for hurting Dairren; it was unnecessary violence. Fergus stuck close to Dairren's side the whole time, making sure he had everything he needed. This made Dairren very happy but I could tell it was because Fergus felt sorry for the boy and not anything more but I couldn't bring myself to say anything and spoil Dairren's happiness. Especially since it was myself he had been injured.

Today was Dairren's final day cooped up inside. Fergus and I were heading to meet up with him outside by the large oak tree on the castle grounds when we heard a pair of voices talking. It was Dairren and Nathaniel.

"I'm sorry, for injuring you. I was... just in a foul mood." Nathaniel said, his tone apologetic.

Fergus and I hid so as not to be seen. "Eh. It's fine. Mind telling me why you were so pissed off?" Dairren replied with a shrug of his shoulders.

Nathaniel's face hardened suddenly. "Yea. Stay away from Ely."

Dairren chuckled. "Why? It's not like you've laid any claim on her. If I'm interested in Lady Ely why shouldn't I kiss her?"

Nathaniel leaned forward and grabbed a fistful of Dairren's shirt. "Listen, boy, if you hurt her in any way I'll do more than just give you a beating, understand?"

I'd heard enough. I understood he felt protective of me, like Fergus, but this was going too far! "You'll do what, Nathaniel Howe?" I said as I stepped forward into the light.

Nathaniel's eyes widened. He let go of Dairren and took a step back. "Uh, Ely I..."

"No, I don't want to hear any of your excuses!" I interrupted. "Just because you and I are like family doesn't mean you get to boss Dairren around." It hurt, a little, to say it like that but I had resigned myself to the fact Nathaniel thought of me the same way he thought of Delilah.

Nathaniel narrowed his eyes at me before stomping off in frustration. My heart was filled with sadness; it seemed Nathaniel and I were just growing further and further apart.

"The two of you sure cause a lot of trouble, Sister," Fergus said with a sigh.

I looked up at Fergus, indignantly. "Me? I haven't done a thing! I'm not the one who beat up a boy who couldn't defend himself!"

Dairren cleared his throat behind me. "Thanks, Lady Ely, for putting it _so_ nicely," he said, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

I flushed red. I hadn't meant to say so bluntly. "Sorry," I mumbled quietly.

The next few months flashed by quickly. The whole of the castle believed Dairren and I were a couple. Dairren insisted we let the rumor stand, to further goad Nathaniel.

"You realize even Fergus believes us to be a couple? This fool plan of yours will only serve to keep the two of you apart. Nathaniel does not like me and now you may ruin your chance with Fergus." Dairren and I were in the stables again, having one of our many talks. I had grown to like Dairren more as time went on; he wasn't a warrior but he was a very quick learner when it came to anything he read. His eyes would light up and he could go on for hours about all the things he had read about. I hated studying and reading just made my eyes hurt so I admired his passion for learning and his studious nature. He was also very stubborn.

Dairren closed the book he had been reading and leaned forward. He had been lazing in the hay and pieces of it were stuck in his hair and clothes. "You may be the most stubborn girl I've ever known, Lady Ely. Oblivious, too," he chuckled.

I reached over and plucked some of the hay off of him before sitting down on the dirt floor. "Oblivious? I am not oblivious. You are just seeing things that aren't even there."

Dairren shook his head and opened his book again. "I can see I won't be able to convince you the normal way, Lady Ely. If you are really so concerned about Fergus and I, let me lay your mind at ease. Fergus is not interested. I can tell by the way he interacts with me. So worry not about my unrequited love and concentrate more on your own love woes."

I snorted loudly. "Love woes? Oh, how poetic," I replied, dryly.

Dairren smiled and set down his book again. "How about we review your lessons, Lady Ely? I know your mother will not let you continue your training if Aldous mentions how poorly you are doing."

I sighed heavily and nodded my head.

Dairren grinned and sat up a bit straighter. "What year did King Calenhad Theirin become Teryn of Denerim?"

Blast. He had to start off with a difficult question. "Uh... 37th year of the Exalted Age?"

Dairren chuckled and shook his head. "You were close, Lady Ely. It was 33rd year of the Exalted Age. What year did the Orlesian Occupation begin?"

Oh! This one I knew! "8:44 Blessed!" I answered, my voice full of pride.

I heard someone giggling behind us and turned my head towards the door. It was Caroline. "Every Ferelden knows that, Lady Eilonwy."

I scowled at her and opened my mouth to reply but Dairren spoke before me. "Caroline, is it? Lady Ely and I were just reviewing our lessons. The learning one receives at Castle Cousland is a tremendous amount compared to... elsewhere." Dairren replied, his voice smug.

Caroline glared directly at me, as if I had been the one to mock her education, or lack of. "Well, it must be hard, if even the noble daughter of the Teryn of Highever has to study in a stable like us commoners," she replied, haughtily.

Dairren scoffed and opened his book up again. "Lady Ely is only studying in here because so much of her time is taken up with her training. She is the fiercest warrior in Highever, the daughter of the Teryn, and she's receiving the highest education a noble can receive. Any man would be impressed by that," Dairren said, a smirk on his face, as he continued to read his book. Was he taunting her about Nathaniel now? Oh for the love of the Maker, this was not going to end well.

I saw Caroline smile mischevously. "Well, I'm sure most men would be impressed. Speaking of men, have either of you seen my darling Nathaniel? I came here looking for him; he promised to take me to beach today."

I felt my heart drop at her words. "Why would I know where he is? I'm hardly his keeper," I replied sullenly.

She smirked at me before curtsying. "Why, indeed," was all she said before leaving, a smug tone of satisfaction in her voice.


	10. Birthdays and Adventures

**This is probably the longest chapter I've written yet. I'm slowly learning how to use this site better and have figured out how to add stuff (like this introduction) as you can tell by the last chapter. There will be light smut in this chapter. It should be easy enough to skip over if you need to. Thanks to all my viewers and reviewers! Also thanks to my beta, BlondMoments, for all her help! Please enjoy this chapter and review if you have the time! We're almost to the end of this little mini story!**

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**Chapter Nine**

A couple more years passed by. Dairren never told Fergus how he felt; he was just too shy. Eventually Father took Fergus on a trip to Antiva. He met a girl there, Oriana, and fell madly in love. He brought her back with him and they were to get married in the spring. She was a nice girl but she seemed quite shocked that Fereldan women were allowed to fight. She was quite lovely with long blonde hair and bright blue eyes. It was obvious to anyone who saw them how much they were in love. Dairren was crushed but assured me he wished them the best. He said there was nothing more painful, though, then unrequited love. I felt bad for Dairren but couldn't hide my happiness for Fergus. I only wished I could be that happy with Nathaniel. Instead, he was still with Caroline.

A year ago my parents had gotten me the Mabari war hound I had always wanted. That day had been a very special one indeed.

_The smell of hay and hound was strong. A female Mabari lay sleeping nearby. She was surrounded by puppies, squirming and wiggling little things. I was in awe of how sweet they looked as pups. They varied in color, ranging from light tan to white to black. _

"_Careful, Pup. Mabari are a very particular breed. They will bite if anyone but their master gets too close," Father cautioned._

_I nodded my head and walked forward carefully. I stopped before I got within arm's reach and knelt down in the hay. I watched as the puppies rolled around and nipped each other. Eventually one wandered over to where I was squatting. It was a deep charcoal gray with a black mark on its back. _

_The hound cautiously approached me and I held out my hand for it to sniff. It wasn't long before it was wiggling beneath my hand, wanting to be petted. It licked my hand and barked once. I looked over to where Mother and Father were standing and grinned. _

_Mother smiled. "It looks like that Mabari has imprinted on you, Eilonwy." _

It turned out my Mabari was a female and I named her Naga. She was a beautiful hound and very loyal. Father always said a Mabari was clever enough to speak, and wise enough to know not to. There was nothing more prized in all of Ferelden than a Mabari.

I was standing near the oak tree that stood on our property. I leaned against it and closed my eyes as the breeze played with my hair. This was the place where it had all began; the first place Nathaniel and I had an adventure together. I bet he had forgotten that day but it lived vividly in my mind still.

Nathaniel and I were still friends but we rarely spoke anymore and when we did it was tense. I missed the closeness we has once shared. Caroline still visited him every chance she could. The pain I felt when I saw them together had become a dull ache. I still loved Nathaniel, that would never change, but I had long since given up hope of us ever being together.

There was this moment though, when we were both trapped in this little cave down by the sea, where I almost thought he was going to kiss me. It was a month ago but it felt like yesterday.

_I could hear the waves crashing noisily against the rocks. I had ridden down to the sea to explore the nearby caves. Aska was tied up nearby and Naga was following close behind. _

"_What are you doing here, alone?" I heard a voice ask from behind me._

_I turned quickly and lost my footing, tumbling down into the cave. I landed hard on my back, my ankle twisted in pain. Naga jumped down in after me and I saw a shadowy shape looming above._

_It was Nathaniel. I saw him shake his head in amusement. "Clumsy little Ely, what will we do with you?"_

_I scowled up at him. "Well, for starters, Nathaniel Howe you can help me out of here. I think I sprained my ankle."_

_He laughed lightly before jumping down into the small cavern. "Alright, you can lean on me."_

_Naga chose that moment to try and climb out. In the process she somehow managed to cause a bunch of rocks to cave in and block the exit; after she had escaped of course._

"_Andraste's ass!" I growled in frustration. "How in the Maker's name are we going to get out now?"_

_Nathaniel looked at me, an odd expression on his face. "What? Would you rather it was your precious Dairren in here with you?" he asked, his tone mocking._

_I rolled my eyes at him. Everyone was convinced Dairren and I were a couple. "Don't be an ass, Nathaniel."_

_Nathaniel narrowed his eyes at me, the anger plain on his face. He was always angry with me anymore, though I didn't know why. "If he really loved you he wouldn't let you wander off alone like this."_

_I sighed in exasperation. "Well, that probably has something to do with the fact that he doesn't love me, you ass. Besides, if you hadn't startled me I'd be fine right now. I can take care of myself, you know."_

_Nathaniel stepped closer to me. "If you know he doesn't love you, then why in the Maker's name are you with him? And stop calling me an ass."_

"_Then stop acting like an ass! And I'm not with him; everyone just assumes we're together. Besides, he likes..." I stopped and bit my lip; Dairren had made me promise not to tell anyone about his crush on Fergus now that the latter was engaged._

_Nathaniel grabbed me by the shoulders and looked deep into my eyes. "Dairren likes who, Ely?"_

"_I-I can't tell you!" I said, refusing to meet Nathaniel's steady gaze._

"_Ely… why don't you trust me anymore?" Nathaniel asked, his voice quiet and filled with hurt._

_I looked at him then, shocked. Is that why he was so angry? "Of course I trust you Nathaniel! It's just... it's not my secret to tell."_

_Nathaniel sighed and backed away from me. "Look, if you love Dairren, just be honest with me. You don't have to lie."_

"_I don't love Dairren!" I stomped my foot and then winced in pain; I had forgotten the injury._

"_It's obvious, Ely. You two are always together, whispering and giggling." Nathaniel said, his voice sounding tired._

"_That's because Dairren likes Fergus!" I gasped and threw my hands over my mouth. I didn't mean to say that; Nathaniel just had me so flustered._

_Nathaniel looked up in shock before laughing. "Dairren likes Fergus? That's why you two have been so close these past few years?"_

_I hung my head. "Please, don't tell anyone! I wasn't supposed to say anything," I said. "I don't see why it matters to you, anyway. You have your precious Caroline." I knew my tone was snide but I couldn't help it. I was terribly jealous of the blonde-haired beauty that had caught Nathaniel's eye. My chest had finally grown in, a little, but I still wasn't anywhere near as pretty as her._

_Nathaniel walked over to me and pulled me in for a tight hug. I hadn't been hugged by him in so long and his warm body felt good pressed against mine. "Oh Lady Eilonwy, there's so much I want to tell you." He looked into my eyes, leaning in close. My heart started to race beneath my chest. _

"_Ely? Nate? Are you in there?" I heard a voice call out from the other side of the rocks. It was Fergus's voice. Nathaniel sighed and rested his forehead against mine for a moment before stepping back. Naga had probably alerted Fergus to where we were. _

I forced myself to snap back into reality. Nathaniel and I hadn't spoken since that day; our training had intensified and neither of us had any spare time. It didn't matter though because a couple of days ago I had seen him with Caroline again and he was holding her close and murmuring something in her ear. I could tell she was crying. I figured it was because Nathaniel had told her he was leaving for the Free Marches soon. His father had decided that was a good place for him to continue his training. Nathaniel seemed excited at the idea of exploring a foreign place. He always loved adventuring.

I sighed heavily and walked towards the stables. Naga needed to be fed. When I reached the stable my hound bounced happily around my feet, barking and panting. Nan didn't like her in the castle because she was always getting into the larder. She was a clever hound, my Naga.

Yesterday was my fourteenth birthday. Mother had wanted us to throw a huge party but I begged her not to. The idea of putting on a dress and socializing was not a pleasant one to me. I had broken my nose a few times in practice bouts and it had gotten to a point that not even a healer's magic would fix it. My nose was permanently crooked. It was ridiculous to worry about such trivial crap but part of me worried about how I appeared to others. Mother said I needn't worry; it added charm to my face. That was a load of bull.

Of course, Mother got her way. We were having a huge party tonight with all of Highever to be there. She had bought me a new dress to wear and had been bustling about the castle all month in excitement. Even Delilah and Thomas were to be there. They had both arrived with their father a week ago. It had been a few years since I had seen them and I was a little bit jealous of how beautiful Delilah was. Would I have been that lovely too, had I followed a different path?

I sat alone in the hay, petting Naga. Before long I heard a noise behind me and turned to look. It was Father.

"Hello, Pup," he said with a smile. "Are you excited for the party tonight?"

I snorted loudly. "Hardly. I think I'd rather be trapped in the Fade then go to some blasted party."

Father just laughed and ruffled my hair. "I know how you feel, Pup. Try to pretend to enjoy yourself, for your mother's sake?"

I smiled a little. "Of course, Father. I know how much these silly parties mean to Mother."

I noticed then that Father was hiding something behind his back. I looked up at him, one brow raised in inquiry. "What's that you're hiding, Father?"

He smiled broadly before handing me a strange looking weapon. It was a cudgel, the end thick with spikes. "My birthday present to you, Pup. I bought it from a merchant in Antiva who said he found it in the Deep Roads." My eyes lit up: I loved collecting old weapons! I hugged my father tight before heading back to the castle.

Later that evening I stood in front of a tall mirror with Delilah and Oriana. They were helping me get dressed since I had decided a few years ago I didn't need a lady in waiting. Oriana was tightening the laces on the back of the dress and Delilah was doing something to my hair. Delilah's hair was done up in an elaborate style that showed off the elegant curve of her neck. Her dress was different shades of gold and silver and full of bustles and ribbons. Oriana was wearing a dress she brought over from Antiva; it was a lovely shade of midnight blue and was made from the softest of silks. Her hair lay in soft curls around her shoulders. They both looked beautiful and I felt a twinge of jealousy.

I was wearing a dark red dress made of soft velvet with a creme under-bustle. Mother had given me a heirloom necklace: a lovely blue sapphire with gold edging hung on a simple gold chain.

Delilah ran her fingers gently through my hair. "You have such lovely hair, Ely. I think we will just do a simple twist like this," she said as she did something to my hair. "Then we can let pieces of it trail down to frame out your face." She smiled at me then as she continued pinning up my hair.

I fidgeted slightly. "It doesn't matter, 'Lilah, what you do with my hair. I'll never look as lovely as either of you."

Oriana shook her head. "You Fereldans are certainly an odd sort. You look lovely, Sister." She had taken to calling me Sister already but I didn't mind. She was to be family soon, after all.

Delilah shared a look with Oriana and laughed. "Oh Ely, do not be silly. Besides, I am sure my brother would disagree with you on that," she teased.

I turned to look at her. "Why would you say such a ridiculous thing, Delilah? Nathaniel doesn't think I'm pretty. He likes girls that look like Caroline," I scoffed.

Delilah looked at me strangely. "Have you not spoken to my brother, as of late?" she inquired.

I shook my head no. "Ah, well then," was all she would say. When I pestered them for more Delilah refused to say anything and Oriana just giggled lightly.

We walked downstairs together, arms linked. I wished in that moment Delilah was around more often. She had a kind soul and a gentle demeanor. She was very different from me but I felt like she helped to balance out my harshness. It would have been nice, to have a female friend around.

When we reached the main hall where the party was being held the sight took my breath away. Mother had truly outdone herself. All of our finest crystal was on display and the main hall seemed to glitter with the decorations Mother had put up. I had been avoiding the main hall so I hadn't seen the glamor until now. The room was filled with people laughing and dancing. I had asked Mother to start the party before I arrived so that not all eyes would be focused on me when I entered. Delilah smiled at me and suggested we mingle amongst the crowd. I nodded my approval; I had promised Mother I would try and enjoy the evening as best I could.

Oriana left our side soon to go and dance with Fergus. I saw him smiling with delight as she walked up to him. I smiled to myself; it was good to see Fergus so happy.

Eventually Delilah and I wandered over to where a squire of ours, Gilmore, and a couple of boys from town were standing. They didn't see us standing behind them. Delilah had developed a small crush on Gilmore since she had arrived.

"What about the girl we saw earlier? The dark-haired one?" I heard a boy I didn't know say. I had seen him in town but had never spoken with him.

"The pretty one in gold? That's Delilah Howe," Gilmore said. Delilah blushed and smiled at me. I pressed my finger to my lips: I wanted to hear what else they had to say.

The first boy shook his head. "No, the one in red."

"Oh. That's Eilonwy Cousland," Gilmore replied.

A third boy spoke up. "She's training to be a warrior. Sorry, my friend, you might as well be kissing a man if you kissed her."

Both men started laughing. Sir Gilmore scowled at them. "You shouldn't speak of the Teryn's daughter like that."

"Yeah, women like that are too rough. She should just stick to knitting if she ever wants a husband," a third one chimed in, ignoring Sir Gilmore.

My hands clenched in anger and hurt. I saw Delilah's eyes fill with pity as she reached out to touch my arm. I shrugged her off and stomped off to where the wine and alcohol had been set up. I grabbed a pint of brandy and downed it before grabbing another. To the void with this.

After drinking enough brandy to make my head spin a little I left the main hall and headed out to the stables where Naga was sleeping. Mother never liked my Mabari to be indoors when there was a party. I refused to stay inside and be laughed at. Andraste's knickers, I never should have agreed to this blasted party.

When I reached the stables I saw a figure petting my hound. Naga only let one person besides me that close and that was Nathaniel.

"Grow bored of all the dancing, did you?" I heard him ask. I felt daring all of a sudden. Maybe it was the alcohol.

"Mmmm. I came to go on an adventure. Wanntto go on an adventure with me, Nate?" I said, my words only slightly slurred.

Nathaniel chuckled. "I suppose that depends on what kind of adventure you want to go on." His grin made my skin tingle. I wanted very much for him to kiss me.

I stepped in closer to him and leaned my body against his, feeling bold. I ran my fingers across the open part of his shirt, playing with the coarse, dark hair that grew there.

"The really fun kind of adventure," I said, looking up at him. Maker, I had never realized how much taller he was than me. Or maybe I was just abnormally short.

Nathaniel laughed as he pulled me away from him. "Uh... Ely, I think you might be a little drunk."

"I'm s'not drunk," I pouted. "You just find me too intimidating. I don't knit enough."

"You don't... what?" he asked, clearly bewildered.

"Don't you want to kiss me, Nate? Or am I not pretty and buxom enough for you?"

He raised his brows at me. "Ely, what in the Maker's name has gotten into you?" he asked.

"Never mind. It doesn't matter," I replied. I turned to walk away. What was I thinking? Of course Nathaniel didn't want me. He had Caroline. Men didn't want girls who fought with longswords. This is why Mother didn't want me to be a warrior. She was trying to protect me from this rejection.

Suddenly Nathaniel reached out and spun me around to face him. I felt his warm lips press hard against my mouth; his tongue darted in to mesh with mine. I felt dizzy and lightheaded all of a sudden and I gripped tightly to Nathaniel to keep steady. When he pulled away I was breathless. So this was what a kiss was supposed to be like.

I blinked up at him, dizzy from his kiss. "Why'd you stop?" was all I could say.

"Are you sure you're ready for this, Ely? I'm leaving for the Free Marches soon to continue my training and..."

I cut off his protests with a kiss of my own, wrapping my arms tight around his neck and pressing my body as close as I could to his. He was lean and hard, all muscle and warmth. I felt like I had waited forever for this moment. Years of unspent passion and lust were suddenly unleashed and I kissed him as fiercely as I could.

Nathaniel nipped at my mouth and then licked the sore spot. The mix of pleasure and light pain was intoxicating. He trailed his lips down my jaw and onto my neck, nipping and licking all the way. A soft moan escaped my lips and I felt Nate shudder in response. I knew where things were heading and I eagerly awaited the pleasure it would bring.

Slowly he slid my dress off one shoulder and continued to use his mouth on every inch of skin he freed. The feel of his warm lips against my bare skin caused another moan to surface. His other hand slid up my waist to softly knead my breasts. My head was spinning and an ache was growing between my legs. I yearned for him to touch me and ease the ache. I bit back another moan, afraid someone might hear.

We lied down in the hay and he looked deep into my eyes; almost as if he was asking one last time if it was okay. I nodded and he kissed me again before sliding my dress up and over my head. I tugged on his tunic.

"Off. Now," I demanded.

He chuckled and stripped himself of his tunic and leggings. I gasped; his hard tanned muscles glowed in the moonlight and his dark hair fell forward making his eyes seem dark and mysterious. I drank in every inch of him with my eyes. I trailed my fingers through the hair leading from his belly bottom down to his hardened length. He shivered when I lightly brushed my fingertips across his erection and held it in my small hands, curious. I stroked him gently until I saw his eyelids flutter.

"Careful, Ely. Keep that up and I won't last long enough to return the favor," he said breathlessly.

He leaned back in to kiss me again while stripping me of my remaining garments. He lowered himself down my body, trailing kisses down my breasts and stomach before kissing my entrance. I gasped as his tongue darted into my most secret of spots. He licked and nibbled until I felt like I was going to explode. He stopped too soon and raised himself back up to kiss my mouth once more.

"Lady Eilonwy, I've waited my whole life to kiss you like this," he murmured in my ear before kissing me again. I thought to myself just then that there was nothing in all of Thedas more wonderful than Nathaniel's kisses.

I moaned again, unable to hold back this time, as I felt him carefully entering me. There was a sharp pain as he took my womanhood and then bliss. I heard Nathaniel moan as well and soon his body was moving in a steady, fast rhythm.

I could feel the pleasure slowly building up before the stars exploded beneath my eyelids and I dug my nails into Nate's back. I felt him shudder as he had his release as well. For a while we both lay there, out of breath and content.

Eventually Nathaniel propped himself up on one arm and looked at me, a warm expression in his eyes. He traced my face with his fingertips. Suddenly, I remembered Caroline.

"Nathaniel? I'm sorry for coming on to you like this. I probably ruined things for you and Caroline," I said, ashamed.

Nathaniel just chuckled. "Ah, my clumsy little Ely. Didn't you know? I love you, silly girl. I always have." He leaned down and kissed my eyelids.

He loved me? Really and truly loved me? I felt my heart soar with happiness. I had waited so long to hear those words but had long since given up any hope of him actually saying them. "Really? You never told me."

Nathaniel nodded before kissing the tip of my nose. "I was afraid you would reject me."

"I could never reject you, Nathaniel Howe. I've loved you for so long." I pulled him back down for another kiss and we made love again, taking our time to explore each other's bodies more thoroughly.

Afterwards Nathaniel suggested we get dress and head back to the castle, before anyone noticed we were gone. My hair was a mess now, all of Delilah's hard work undone in our moments of passion.

Nathaniel got dressed quickly and then helped me with my dress. As he was lacing the back a shadow loomed in the doorway. It stepped forward and I could make out the face in the moonlight. It was Fergus.

"You bastard! Maker help me, I'll kill you!" he growled and lunged at Nate with the long dagger he always carried.

Nate laughed lightly and easily ducked the blow. "Whoa! Fergus, take it easy." There was a hard thunk where Fergus's dagger hit the wooden beam.

"Take it easy? You arrogant bastard! That's my sister!" he replied fiercely before lunging at Nate again.

Nathaniel continued to dodge Fergus's mad swings. "Uh, a little help here, Ely? I think your brother really aims to kill me," Nathaniel said, his voice now holding a hint of nervousness in it.

"Fergus Cousland! Stop that, right now," I said, stomping my foot for emphasis. "It's not like Nate took my virginity by himself, you know."

"Don't talk to me about your blasted part in this! I know this damn Howe got you drunk so he could have his way with you!" Fergus roared.

"Have his... What? Are you insane? Or just drunk?" I asked, not sure whether it would help if I started laughing or not.

I could tell Nathaniel was getting tired; our exertions had probably worn him out. I grabbed a nearby pitchfork and got ready to defend him. Nathaniel slipped on a patch of hay and went down with a thump. He raised himself up partway and scuttled back against the pole that held up the roof of the stable. My brother raised his dagger high above his head and started a downward swing. Before it made contact I ducked under the blade and used the pitchfork to stop it from stabbing Nathaniel in the chest.

Fergus's eyes grew wide when he realized how close he had come to killing me instead of Nate.

"Ely, I," he began sheepishly.

"No, I don't want to hear it Fergus Cousland! I am allowed to have... relations with whomever I want. You are my brother and I appreciate you trying to protect my virtue but I don't need your help," I said firmly. "Besides, I came on to him. Nathaniel has been our good friend our whole lives, would you truly kill him so easily?"

Fergus's shoulders slumped and I saw the fight leave him.

Nathaniel gave a nervous chuckle. "Andraste's ass, Fergus. You nearly had me in there."

"Well, she's my sister. What did you expect?" Fergus replied with a slight grin. "How would you feel if Delilah and I were to... have relations?"

Nathaniel smirked. "Before or after I died laughing?" Nate replied.

"Shut up."

"Hey, Fergus? Don't mention this to our parents," I said before walking back towards the castle alone.

I slipped inside and snuck up to my room and prayed to the Maker no one saw my messy hair and lopsided dress.

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**For those concerned with Ely's age just remember that it is set in a medieval time period. Historically, women married quite young in those days which means they were having sex quite young. Sure, Ely isn't married but her having sex outside of wedlock would be akin to someone in there late 20s having sex out of wedlock in our times. Normal for the time period, or at least the time period I associate with the Dragon age games.**


	11. I Just Came To Say Goodbye Love

**And here we are, the final chapter in The Way It Once Was. Whew, this was an interesting journey for me! Fun fact? Originally, Nathaniel and Ely were just suppose to be best friends but they had other plans! Sometimes your characters do things you don't expect but I like where it ended up! Short chapter is short. I think this might be the first time I;ve mentioned the Thedas calendar system. The title is named after my favorite scene in the live version of Rent! the musical (deleted scene in the movie version).**

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**Chapter Ten**

The next few months sped by too quickly. Nathaniel and I spent every moment we could together and I came to look forward to his kiss more than anything. My biggest fear was Guardian. That was the month he was leaving for the Free Marches. I vowed to make every moment count until then. Today he had promised to meet me under the big oak tree. It had quickly become our favorite spot to spend time alone together.

I was looking the opposite way when he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. I sighed contentedly and leaned into his embrace. I closed my eyes and gripped his arms tightly. I wanted moments like this to go on forever.

"Do you really have to go, Nathaniel?" I asked.

He nuzzled my hair and nodded. "Yes, my father insists. Don't worry, love. I'll write to you every chance I get and tell you of all my grand adventures. You won't be able to write me back, since I'll be traveling so much."

I sighed and tried to hold back my tears. The idea of Nathaniel leaving and being gone for so long tore at my heart. His father wanted him to stay gone for at least five years to complete his training and the idea of us being apart so long was a depressing one.

I turned around and he kissed me; the feel of his lips caused my heart to swell and an ache to begin between my legs. I pulled back, breathless. Nathaniel pulled a small knife out of his belt and walked closer to the tree. He knelt close, carving something skillfully with his blade. He pulled back and showed me his work; our names encompassed by a heart. I touched it lightly with my fingers and felt a few tears roll down my cheeks.

Nathaniel cupped my chin and looked into my eyes, his steel gray ones filled with concern. "What is it, Ely?"

I smiled lightly and wiped away the tears. "I just don't want you to go. It seems like we've only just begun and already you're going away," I whispered.

He sighed and pulled me close. My head rested against his chest and I could hear the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. "Ah, my clumsy little Ely. Don't worry, I'll be back in Ferelden and by your side again before you know it, Maker willing."

He pulled back and dropped to one knee. His face was full of seriousness in that moment and I felt my heartbeat quicken. "Lady Eilonwy, I've loved you since you were five years old. You captured my heart and no other woman will ever be enough for me. Will you do me the honor of marrying me once I return from the Free Marches?" Nathaniel held a simple gold band out to me as he gently held onto my hand.

I nodded my head yes, too excited to speak. He smiled and stood up; pulling me in for the sweetest kiss I ever had.

He stayed long enough to attend Fergus and Oriana's wedding. The day he left was one of the saddest of my life. He wrote to me often but one day the letters just stopped. I feared something had happened to him but when I asked Arl Howe he wouldn't give me a clear answer. He said he had probably just become too busy to deal with childhood nonsense. My heart broke at those words.

It would be six years before I would see him again and by that time so much would be different.

* * *

**A Series Of Letters to Eilonwy Cousland from Nathaniel Howe in the Free Marches**

My Darling Eilonwy,

I arrived in Starkhaven a few months ago, sorry I haven't had the time to write you sooner. The city is a grand one indeed. I'm surrounded by marble and gold; the wealth here is on display in such a grandiose manner. I met a member of the Vael family, the ruling family of Starkhaven. A young prince by the name of Sebastian. He's a rambunctious boy and he seems to spend most on his coin of women and wine.

Don't worry love, there's not a single woman that would tempt me away from you. As much as I enjoy exploring the city of Starkhaven I wish I was back home in Ferelden, with you, instead.

I wish you could taste the food here. The fish and egg pie is wonderful. Well, today is my last day in this grand city. I'll write to you soon.

With all my love,

Nathaniel

Dearest Eilonwy,

Has it truly been a year since I've held you in my arms?

Today I visited Ostwick. The double walls are formidable indeed. I figure it has something to do with the Qunari presence so long ago. Ostwick is a rather dull city, truth be told. I spend most of my nights alone, wishing you were here. I think of you every day and miss you most of all. I can only hope that no other man takes your eye whilst I'm away. The thought of losing you rips at my heart. Don't forget how much I love you, my clumsy little Ely.

Yours always,

Nathaniel

My dearest Ely,

These past two years have been torture without you.

I'm in Wycome now. The population is small here but they are certainly a rowdy bunch. I watched as a pirate woman by the name of Isabela dueled four men by herself. It reminded me a bit of you, actually. Don't worry Love, her offer to bed her wasn't able to tempt me. I told her I had a beautiful warrior waiting for me back home.

The Antivan wine here is amazing. I'm sure Oriana would love some so I'm sending a bottle back with the letter; I only hope it reaches you without being drank by some smuggling bandit.

I miss you more and more each day. Do you think of me? Or have you already moved on? I hope you haven't forgotten how much I love you.

Forever yours,

Nathaniel

Dear Eilonwy,

I can scarcely believe three years have passed so quickly. If only you were here at my side where you belong, I'm sure our adventures would be more exciting.

The city of Tantervale is a harsh one. Chantry is absolute law here. Such a dour city indeed; the city guard is obsessed with enforcement. I must tread carefully while I'm here; I saw a street urchin steal an apple the other day and the city guard put him in the dungeons for it. I'll never forget the sight of that poor little boy as he was dragged away, screaming and crying. He begged for mercy but it fell upon deaf ears. I can't wait to leave this city.

Know that I still carry you in my heart, my love, and eagerly await the day I can return to you.

Yours completely,

Nathaniel

Dear Eilonwy,

It's been five years since I've been gone and I am shocked at the news I have just heard.

Is it true? Father managed to get a letter to me. Your father is working with the Empress of Orlais? I don't want to believe it, but I know Father wouldn't lie to me! How could you do this to Ferelden? I thought at first it was just your father, but my own father assured me you have a hand in it. I don't understand how you could betray our country like this. I want to rush home and shake some sense into you but Father said he would handle it. I begged him to offer mercy, despite how heinous a crime it is to betray one's homeland. Please, Eilonwy, tell me it isn't true, tell me

_The letter appears crumbled, like someone had balled it up in their fist and thrown it away before finishing it._

* * *

**Originally I was going to post the letters and Chapter Ten separately but decided last moment to post them together. I hope you enjoy this story, short as it was! The start of the follow up piece, The Way It Now Is, should be posted soon!**

**I want to thank everyone who reviewed it, favorited it, and followed it! 3**

**Thanks again to my Beta, BlondMoments, you have been amazing throughout this whole thing!**

**Thanks to Carmelclouds, who did the cover art, I loved how you brought Ely and Nate to life and I can't wait for the next commission piece from you!**

**Thanks to my girlfriend, Chibi, who encouraged me to write this fic even though she doesn't play the Dragon Age Games. 3 you!**

**Thanks to Bioware and team for creating such a wonderful world for me to play in! **

**Hope everyone enjoyed the story! Maker light your path! ;)**


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